early in the morning • zayn malik

→ it was kind of beautiful ←

→it was kind of beautiful ←

Smoke poured out of Zayn’s mouth, his lips pursed into a small ‘o’, dark eyes looking over the unsettled sea. The waves were pounding against the shore relentlessly, like they were on a mission to grind the sand down, to take out its anger. Salty winds were nipping at his bare feet and stubble covered cheeks, but he wasn’t going to move until the sun came up.

The sky was a light grey, and he thought that if he had a favourite time of day it would be right now, just before the sun was about to rise. In this part of England no one was awake, instead tucked into their duvets, maybe their arms wrapped around their loved ones.

Zayn took another drag of his cigarette, trying to dispel thoughts of his blonde haired fiancée, which always managed to creep into his head in the early morning. That’s when he thought of her, when he could barely keep the memories from burying him. He shivered, even though the air only held a hint of coolness.

Moving here had been easy. It had been so easy, it was almost scary how he could leave everything he knew -- and loved-- behind. Should it have been so easy to cut away all the ties, just like that? Probably not. But Zayn thought that it was easy to leave a place if you knew that where you were going was going to be so much better than where you started.

This was a lot better than being stuck in London.

He hadn’t totally cut himself off, keeping in touch with his mum and sisters once a week. The boys... Well, he saw Harry so often that sometimes he just stayed at the cottage for a couple of days. He had set up the spare room for guests, but usually it was just Harry. Niall had moved to Australia, and he occasionally got long letters from him, making his chest ache so badly; he missed the Irish boy dearly. Liam lived not too far from where he was, and that was comforting. They talked, but sometimes they would just sit at a small cafe, not knowing what to say. Zayn hadn’t heard from Louis, but from what Harry told him, Louis had moved to some small town in Sweden, with a pregnant Eleanor.

Not having the boys around him hurt, a lot. But they all felt so different after they broke up, and Zayn couldn’t stay in the place which had held so many memories --so many good and bad that it physically hurt to think about them-- and this little seaside town was good.

Yeah, it was good, good, good.

Zayn had planted the purple and white lupins on the second day that he arrived. They were rather gorgeous, even though he knew nothing about flowers, and they lined the dark wooden picket fence. He sighed and put his cigarette out, leaving it in the metal ashtray.

Perrie. That’s what he thought when he saw them. But he thought of the good Perrie, not when she was screaming, not when she writhing on the ground, not when she-

The sun was starting to rise, and Zayn felt a sense of relief. Now he would not think of Perrie for the rest of the day, not even when he saw the lupins lining the fence, nor when he saw the only picture of them together on top of the fridge.

He closed his eyes, the smell of smoke still lingering in the air. He inhaled the toxic air, with a finality, like it would be his last ever smoke. But there was always another packet, and when that one finished there was the supermarket. Every morning was the same.

Every morning was the same, same, same.

He got up and walked through the small garden, clicking open the gate and shutting it behind him, and then ran across the dirt road to where the sand started, his bare feet relishing the smooth feel of the sand underneath him.

He ran to the water, and stood there, the water crashing against his ankles. It was so bloody cold, but it made Zayn breathe the early morning air more deeply, filling his lungs before dispelling it with disgust. It was much nicer than the London air, and it made him feel better, about everything.

Liam had called the night before. He’d found somebody. He said she made him smile, made him forget. Zayn remembered hearing the tremble of excitement in his voice, and it only reminded him of how he was with Perrie, when he thought of her, when he held her, when he kissed her.

But he was happy for Liam. Liam needed a girl, maybe to distract himself from those dreadful memories, which would probably be forever etched into his mind, coming to haunt him in his dreams.

Zayn knew. They haunted him every night.

Haunted him every night, night, night.

It was kind of beautiful, the sea. He didn’t know how to swim, but he did love the way that the water glistened in the morning sun. It looked so tempting though, just to wade in, until the water was above him, and then he would let all the air out and just wait until it ended.

That was easy way out, and Zayn didn’t believe in the easy way out. He was going to get through this, somehow. He had the boys, well; most of them, and that would be ok. His feet were starting to grow numb from the incessant beating of cold sea water, but it was nice.

He took in a deep breath, and then took his top off, chucking it into the sand. Slipping out of his pants, he threw them over where his top was sitting in a jumbled pile. His heart rate picked up, and felt exhilaration running through him, squinting slightly as the sun properly rose into the sky. It was warm, orange light that even managed to elicit a smile from his chapped white lips.

Deliberately, he began to walk into the glacial water, the smile still on his face. A wave crashed into his tattooed chest, and a breathy laugh came out of his mouth. How wonderful this feels, he thought to himself, and suddenly the waves coming got bigger and bigger, and before he knew it, one had crashed on him.

Tumbling underwater, crushed down by the wave, he felt no panic. Maybe he was drowning. Maybe this is how Perrie felt, when everything went wrong. Maybe she felt like she was drowning.

She felt like she was drowning, drowning, drowning.

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hey

comment what you think, I just really needed to let this out haha

probably will only be ten chapters, so yeah.

dedicated to @TheFallingRain cause she's really great >.<

Sara xx