Hollow

Chapter 17

~ ~ ~

The click of a door opening woke me up, but I kept my eyes closed tightly. I recognized the soft footsteps of my mother and didn't flinch away as sat next to me and brushed her fingertips across my cheek.

I felt her wipe the remaining tears from my face. When I opened my eyes, her mouth was pulled into a frown. When she noticed me staring up at her, she forced a smile.

"The last time that I saw you cry," she began softly. "You were five years old."

I shifted onto my side and looked up to watch her. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and let my body relax. The sun was bright, filling the room with a soft glow. She brushed my hair back from my face with a nostalgic look, and soon, her smile was no longer forced.

"It was the day before your birthday and you had just found out that Angela wouldn't be able to go to your party." She tilted her head with a sigh. "She was stuck home with the flu, she could barely move, the poor thing. You were so upset."

I tried to imagine a six year-old version of myself, crying over the fact that my cousin was too sick to come to my birthday party. It left a sort of void in my chest, having to imagine these things rather than actually remember. There was nothing that I could do about it, but I couldn't deny that it felt like something was missing.

"She was your best friend, you know." Miranda continued. "And you were hers. Every day you'd want to see each other."

I stayed silent, unsure of what to say. I didn't even know what it meant to have a best friend.

"Whatever happened between the two of you today, you'll get past it. I know Angela is feeling terrible, and you don't seem much better off." She looked away with a distant look on her face. "I know that this change has been more difficult for you than anyone. But it's been hard on her too. Just keep that in mind, okay?"

I looked down and nodded silently. Whatever I had done to Angela that made her lash out at me, I didn't know, but I needed to find out. She was one of the only people I trusted, and I didn't want to lose that.

I sat up on the bed and let Miranda wrap me in a hug. Her hand rubbed my back soothingly and she kissed the side of my head. It was a small gesture, but it sent a feeling of warmth and comfort through my whole body. It made me want to... smile.

"She left a little while ago, but maybe you can talk to her tomorrow." She said to me.

I felt a frown pull at the corners of my mouth. Talking to her wasn't something that sounded very intriguing. I needed some time away from her to try and understand what exactly I was feeling.

I had Miranda drive me to school the next day. I wasn't quite ready yet to face Angela. What she had said had a greater effect on me than I thought it would. I couldn't stop running her words through my mind over and over again.

Was that really how she saw me? Just some stupid, clueless girl who she was stuck taking care of? Was I a burden because I didn't know how to be normal?

I tried not to think about it; thoughts only made the ache in my chest increase. The feeling wouldn't leave me though. As the day went on, I couldn't help but notice my differences compared to the rest of my peers. I spoke differently, and not just because of the accent I'd acquired. I carried myself differently, ate differently- even my walk was different.

It didn't take long for the self doubt to set in. I couldn't help but feel like maybe this was a mistake. I didn't belong here. Maybe I'd be better off in a college class like Vanessa had suggested. It wasn't as if anyone would miss me if I was gone.