I sat in the waiting room at the pediatricians for Safire 's doctor's appointment. He stared up at me from his care seat.
"Hello mommy's little man. " he smiled, then continued staring. His eye color changed with his mood, I had learned quickly. He was happy right now, his hazel eyes clouded.
Safire spit up. I sighed. Reaching into the diaper bag I'd packed, I grabbed out a tiny towel. Before I felt the sudden earthquake.
Safire screamed, his clouded hazel eyes swiftly changing to grey.
"My Mr. sweet face. What's wrong? " I cradled home in the crook of my arm, calming him as quickly as I could. His tiny figure scrunched up as he began to grunt.
"Ugh, Mr. sweet face ." I groaned but moved him in a comfortable position that helped him.
After his sudden shift of moods, I saw a big gummy smile. And my heart filled with warmth.
"Let's get mama's little man all cleaned up." I carried his bag and car seat with me to the empty bathroom.
Safire played with his own tiny fingers, with the hint of curiosity he couldn't hide.
I began humming .
Normally, I only hum when Safire cries . I didn't even realize I was humming until I noticed Safire's lucid state. I stopped immediately.
As a new mommy, I didn't understand certain things, like why he refused to sleep at 3 in the morning sometimes, on the nights I would really love to be sleep. Or why he pinched himself and screamed to give me partial heart attacks. Or when he pouts to get away with kicking the crap out of my side when he sleeps in my bed beside me. ( I barely get any sleep the nights he sleeps beside me.)
Nell tries to make me get sleep. It never works out, I end up watching and waiting for Safire to sleep or holding him close to me, just to feel him in my arms.
It's weird. You can be so selfish, and once someone, so much apart of you, comes out of you, it changes you. Your whole well being. You want to protect them and swaddle them with your love.
His hiccups began, snapping me out of my trance.
"Luna?" The receptionist called. The doctor stood in the hall door.
I carried Safire into the office.
"How is motherhood?" They doctor asked. I frowned, noticing the forced enthusiasm I'm her tone. She was judging.
"Could be worse. His rapist father could come back and force me to make another child." She was shocked then, but composed herself.
"Have you been monitoring his bowel movements? And what color it is? Has any blood came out of him? " I shook my head, 'I would have bought him back here, had he been bleeding ' I commented sharply in my head.
"No, no blood . He usually poops 4 times."
Mrs. Hewagama got her stethoscope and checked Safire's breathing.
" perfect." She said under her breath.
"How's he digesting milk? Everything okay? " she tilted her head in fake interest. I nodded, "Just fine."
"You're all set." She handed me his discharge paper to sign and we were off.
