1. Please update!
Why don't you write it for me since you obviously have more free time than I do? Plus, once I update, I'll probably not hear from you until weeks after, telling me to update again, if at all.
2. This sucks, scrap it.
Scrap your attitude first and tell me what sucks or else I'm not going to learn, but with that attitude, I'll probably just ignore you entirely anyway.
3. This and that are totally unrealistic! Do this instead.
Thanks for letting me know, and I'll work on improving, but is there anything I did get right?
Your spelling is fine.
R u sr aboot tht!
4. This is great!
Thanks. Is there anything in particular that you liked?
No, not anything specifically.
So, this isn't great, it's just OK. Is there anything I can improve on so this story would be great?
No, nothing in particular.
So this story is great?
5. Do you have anything else?
If I had anything else, do you think I wouldn't upload it ASAP?
6. Hey, could you review one of my pictures/stories?
OK, but after I go to the picture/story you want me to review, ask you to review the picture/story where you just asked me to review, and, only then, after you do put down a review on my picture/story, will I review your picture/story. I'll even match the word count of the review you gave me. Not one word more, not one word less.
7. Thank you for the fave!
Ugh, I have to look through my favorites gallery to find out what I faved? Give me a hint at least. What's the name of the thing I faved?
8. First comment!
First unneeded spammer!
9. Oh my god I'm going to cry!
They're tears of joy! . . . . Right? . . . . Right? . . . . Oh god, is it that awful?
10. I'm disappointed. You said there would be death/sex/etc. You're a liar!
I said that there would eventually be death/sex/etc. The story isn't even finished yet.
11. This story is boring! Put in more action.
Well, not everyone's life is an action movie. Or a drama, horror, western, science fiction, or even a romantic comedy. Sometimes, it's just a simple slice of life. The genre I purposefully stated somewhere on the story!
12. This story has no plot.
I'm only three chapters in! Is the world supposed to be saved within three chapters?
13. I really like this story, but, I'm sorry to say this, there's already a theme of this happening in another story here.
And I'm sorry you'll just have to stick to this clichéd story if you like it so much.
14. I can't wait for the next chapter!
And I can't wait to see whether or not you leave an actual review after I update.
15. This has already been done before.
Are you calling me a plagiarist?
No.
Then there's no problem. Who knows? Maybe, by the end, it'll actually be different from every other story after all. Be sure to let me know when I publish the last chapter. If you're still around, that is.
16. Is there going to be a sequel?
Well, no. A story has to end some time. Sorry.
17. Update or I'll kill you/stalk you/etc.!
I'd like to see you try. And if you do manage to find me, would you like quantity or quality?
18. I love this story so much, and hope to see the next chapter soon!
I'd love it more to know what exactly you liked and didn't like about the story.
YOU ARE READING
Things I Wish I Could Tell Some Reviewers Without Looking Like a Total Jerk
Non-FictionThis is an expression of my frustration due to a lack of control I have over other people, especially on the internet.
