What A Kiss Is

Chapter Twenty-three

Twenty-Three

I’ve finished the work for my senior year, and graduation is a bit anti-climactic, but at least high school’s over. Seems like a good time to finally sit down with the stack of real mail and start opening. There’s a lot to go through. They each used to feel and look like a weight. Now they’re a challenge—something to conquer and take care of.

I open the attorney’s first. It’s exactly what I expect. It all comes to me. All the millions she’s kept stashing. The apartment’s mine. The car’s mine. It’s all mine. I feel the way I knew I would. I don’t want any of it. I want Mom. But the knowledge that I don’t get to have her, doesn’t hit as hard as it did a week ago.

There are some small life insurance checks deposited into her account that I didn’t know about. Her accountant has sent close to twenty envelopes. I’m beyond what the bank will insure. Where do I want the money? Please contact him right away.

Two more offers have been made on the apartment. The figures are high. What am I going to do? Go back to New York? Continue to hide on Dad’s boat?

No. I can’t keep hiding. I have to get back to New York. And soon.

- - -

Once I make the decision for real, I’m frantic to get started. To get out of here. I pack in minutes.

Dad hugs me tightly, and I hug him with the same force. Sucks that we didn’t take the time to know one another before now.

“If you need help with anything out there, you call and I’ll be there.” His hand stays on my shoulder. “I plan on coming in a month or two no matter what, okay?”

It’s not condescending like I would have taken it not long ago. “Thanks.”

“You need a ride to the airport?”

“I called a car.”

He smirks. “I’ll bet you did.” He knows I haven’t hardly spent a penny of my new money. “Amber?”

I shrug. “I got her a seat on the plane, but I don’t know if she’ll take it.”

“If she doesn’t now, I bet she will later.” He ruffs up my hair just like Mom used to do.

“Maybe.”

“Love you, son.”

“Love you, Dad.” I put my arms around him one last time before stepping off the back of the boat. Alone. Dad knows this is how I want to go, and he gets it. He gets me. Finally.

As I make my way to Amber’s, my heart’s banging in my ribs, telling me that something big is about to happen. Please let it be something good. So far this feeling has gotten me nothing but disappointment or tragedy.

I knock on the door of Amber’s boat and wait.

She steps out with a smile that falls as she takes in my expression, and the bag slung over my shoulder.

“What’re you doing?” she asks. Her eyes are wary, scared.

She has a right to look this way. The old me would’ve just left. “I have some loose ends to wrap up in New York.”

Her brows pull together, like I knew they would. “You’re…leaving?”

I have to get the words out. “Come with me.” Please, please come with me.

Her head snaps up. “What?”

“Come. With me. My mom’s…well, I have a place to stay and stuff to sort. You don’t have to. I mean, I’m sure I won’t be much fun, but it needs to be done, and…I can’t imagine doing it alone. I know I’m asking too much of you here. To leave, and I promise you can go home anytime—”

“Why are you asking me?” Her voice is still wary.

“What?” Does it matter?

“Are you asking me because you want me there? Or because you feel like you should because you don’t want to upset me?”

Honesty. “Because I’m a selfish jerk-off, and I really need you with me. I love you.”

I don’t even see her coming and our lips are together. I pull her close, and the relief I feel at knowing she wants to hold me like this is like nothing I’ve ever felt.

She pulls away, but keeps our faces together. I keep my eyes closed, soaking up the feeling of her, in case she can’t follow me right now. “If you want to think about it, I can bring you out to visit in a few days, or a few weeks, or—”

“How long do I have to pack?”

“What?” She might do this.

“How long do I have to pack?”

My heart’s thrumming. The pounding dread from a few minutes ago has been replaced with something infinitely better. “A few minutes?”

“Wait there.” She spins around and disappears.

 I stand on the back deck of her boat, feeling needy and undeserving, but also knowing I don’t want to do it alone. I’m also wondering when or if she’ll ever see how one-sided this relationship is because I’m definitely the one who got the best deal.

In less than five minutes, she’s on the back of the boat with a large backpack over her shoulder. “Take me to New York.”

“You’re amazing, you know that? Amazing.” Everything Amber and I have been through was worth it for how I feel in this moment.

“Don’t you dare forget it.” She kisses my cheek, takes my hand, and we leave together.

And that’s it. Knowing me. Knowing my faults and all, without question, she’s following me from her home. I squeeze her hand, promising both of us I won’t screw it up.