Protection

Chapter 18

TOBIAS POV

I feel like I used her.

Don't get me wrong, the evening Tris and I spent at my apartment a few nights ago was unbelievable and one of the best experiences I have ever had. I felt like we had finally achieved the closeness that we were trying so hard for. You would think that I would be smothering her with affection and glued to her hip now.

But the fantasy came crashing down after.

After she fell asleep, I laid awake, holding her and wondering how I became so lucky to end up with her. My peaceful moment was interrupted by none other than my boss, Max, who texted because he was growing suspicious over why I had not killed my target yet.

My nine months is up. It is time to take action.

By this point, I have erased all traces of Uriah and I ever working for or being involved with Dauntless. My next move is to somehow get fingers pointed at them so that there will be a police investigation. There are two main problems though: I don't want any evidence to connect back to me, and I am certain that the Dauntless leaders will send someone after me because of my betrayal. This could potentially put Tris in danger, and therefore it is best that I stay low for a while, preferably in another country.

To spare us both from the major pain that is bound to come with me disappearing for a while and maybe even never coming back, I have been distancing myself. She knows something is off, and it makes me sick to think that maybe she thinks she did something wrong the other night. That is definitely not the case, but I can't tell her that. She hasn't done anything wrong; it is me who is the problem, and unfortunately this makes her collateral damage.

I brush her off when she tries to show me any kind of affection. I pretend to be grumpy whenever she gets anywhere near me.

And I am grumpy. It stings to have to push her away, but this way it won't hurt her as much when I leave. She will already hate me.

I used to believe that once this was all over, maybe it would turn out well. Maybe Dauntless would be exposed, I would survive and come back to a very much alive Tris, and we would continue on as before.

Things have changed. I don't think that will be the case anymore.

xXxXx

Pacing back and forth, I mull over what I have packed and try to recall the items I am missing. By now, I have triple-checked that I have all my clothes, and I cleared the bathroom of all toiletries, but I feel like there are still some things missing. Maybe it is just OCD. Maybe I should take what I have and leave before Tris finds out.

No. No way. I wouldn't make it one foot out the door.

And it goes against my original plan to say goodbye and put it lightly, but I have to. I will never forgive myself if I cut all ties and run, like our relationship wasn't real and meant nothing to me.

I am so immersed in my thoughts that I don't notice when Tris steps into my bedroom, knocking on the door that is already open. My phone is in her hand, and she tilts her head and smiles at me ingenuously, her messy bun making me adore her even more.

"You left this downstairs on the counter," she says, handing it to me. I take it and avoid brushing our fingers. Too tempting. "Someone was calling you, and I tried to get it up here in time so that you wouldn't miss the call, but it was too late." She stalls a moment before asking, "Who's Eric?"

I toss my phone on the bed, next to my open suitcase. "Nobody important," I tell her.

She looks past me and notices the suitcase packed with all of my belongings. If anything, she seems skeptical, but not scared about the possibility of me leaving her. She probably would never consider it. And if things were normal, I wouldn't either. "Where are you going?"