A Young God (P h a n t o m h i v e) [Kuroshitsuji 4]

Chapter X: The Shadow That Haunts Him

You know, the two of us are just young gods...

Fragments of a weakened man

The irony of the situation is not lost on Ciel as he sits at the end of the church pew, waiting patiently. Buildings such as this always made him slightly uneasy – yet it was necessary that he attended mass every Sunday, as a good Christian, a model and pillar of the London community. This, it is his local church, and the surroundings are familiar. It is Gothic, the outside encrusted in gargoyles and dangerous looking stone projections, and the inside is huge – cavernous, echoing, with arched rooves and huge rose windows, tall columns holding up the ceiling. He cannot help but wonder – these lonely sentinels, holding the weight of the whole structure upon them; one could say everything depends on their strength and efficiency. But what happens to the chapel if they fail?

It is evening. The room is lit with the gentle glow of candles, blazing for the sins of others. Embezzlement, perhaps. Spousal abuse... adultery. As he watches the flames flicker in their blood red glass prisons, Ciel is worrying away on his lip, one hand also twisting the family ring that is on his left hand, nestled beside his wedding band. He struck Elizabeth once, with that very hand. A thirteen year old boy, fraught over losing the one connection he had left to his father, but still. It was unacceptable. To strike a woman.

Even a servant. Even particularly infuriating servants. Even her – although, Ciel was certain that if she was willing to open up her mind, he could certainly make the experience... pleasurable for her. As the spidery voice of his parish priest calls out from the confessional booth, he rises, in a slow stroll towards it. The bottom of his stick taps out a rhythm made louder by the marble cavern. Saturday night confession has never seen this young man before, a perfect, darkened shadow of Vincent Phantomhive – slightly slimmer, smaller, with the face of a royal and the eyes of an unmerciful God. He sometimes fancied that to thousands – to his servants, his factory workers, foot men, shop keeps – he may as well be. He could destroy so many lives in an instant. All of that power, between his fingers.

He sits, now, into the wooden bench which is still warm from the last reprobate. Ciel clears his throat, then, and speaks.

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." There is a pause, and he continues. "It has been a year since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sin... desire."

He waits, and the good father fills the silence. "Continue, my son."

"I have had impure thoughts, and may have consented to them." This whole thing seems ridiculous to Ciel, but what else can he do? Of course, he cannot talk to Elizabeth about his problem; Sebastian would be unlikely to understand, and if he spoke to the poor girl about what he would like to do to her, exactly, she would probably run a mile. "I am a married man. Some months ago, a young woman came into the employ of my wife... I was away at the time. My wife... likes her, very much. I hadn't the pleasure of meeting the handmaid until approximately a month or so ago, and I confess that I have found myself... attracted to her."

"In what manner?"

"A sexual one, although, her intelligence is... striking." He sighs. "She is well learned and devours literature, constantly eager to learn. I don't know what is wrong with me, I – find myself unable to banish her from my mind at the most inopportune of moments." Ciel is unaware that Estelle has wandered into his thoughts again, until the priest clears his throat gently. "For my sins, and the sin of unlawful desire, I am sorry."

"I absolve you of your sins, my son," he croaks, and his hand moves in a small cross motion, which is the only thing Ciel can see. "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. I invite you to take the time to repent with the prayer of our Lord ten times, and may you not stray from the path of righteousness again."