The funeral for John lasted two hours. Mostly because the drive to the gravesite was thirty minutes out of town. The church was flooded with sympathizers from the school and some part-time college friends John met while shortly attending TCU. That's exactly the type of person John was, always making friends wherever he went.
I sat staring at the casket, John looked, well as always devastatingly handsome even on his literal death bed. I know half of the girls are here to get look one last time at the man they never got to sleep with, mostly because of me.
Watching the service proceed, I heard crying noises and I just sat there, almost numb. I still teared up, I mean for god sakes he was my brother. John made me promise him one thing when all of the signs started popping up he was sick,
“Promise me, dear god promise me you will not hysterically cry over my body. Then I will be throughly embarrassed.” He said with a smile, that’s what I never understood about John. He took it all as a huge joke but I guess there’s nothing better to do when they say you have a limited amount of days.
“I promise not to cry, because you’re not dying John.” I said while I looked down at my phone.
“What are you doing staring at your phone? I’m dying here Heather, literally.” He propped up from the hospital bed.
“It’s places I marked where we can go when you get over this bug.” I made my way and sat down on his bed. He smiled and took my phone,
“Viva Las Vegas! HELL YEAH!” He screamed, which caused a few nurses to pop in.
“So promise me one thing sister.” He said after a moment of silence.
“I’m not Make-A-Wish, but proceed.”
“Say goodbye to me while I’m living, don’t cry when I’m dead.” That’s when the tears came, and we both knew our bond was limited, I knew I would eventually be alone.
John did not have to worry about me crying over his lifeless body, Jenny had it all covered, screaming he was the love of her life.
The rest of the funeral was like a fast car racing towards you and you can't move, you know it's going to hit you. You just stand and wait for the events to hit you. Then out of no where came Noel Hart to save the day.
There are three things you need to know about Noel Hart,
One: He was my childhood best friend.
Two: He, along with my brother protected me from the evil male reproductive system and the raging hormones within.
Three: He was the only person there I thought could sympathize in the slightest how it felt to lose John.
You see to me and Noel, John was a commander of ambitious dreams. We both wanted to mold ourselves to be the kind of human that left and never looked back, an idea crafted from John. But Noel had his family to think about. Me? I had no one left, and my suitcase was in the back of my car.
Standing by the graveside was when the car hit. When the tears really started to flow. When the emptiness reached a new stage. The gravesite was when I realized I lost the only person that could ever understand me quiet like he could. The thunderstorm started to cackle in the distance, it was a typical movie funeral. The black clothing, the darkness and wind that the storm was bringing in. The crying of unwanted visitors. I just wanted to leave, but I had to wait for the right moment. I thought of where I would go first, how I would start out my new life without John. My thoughts were brought back to the coffin slowly descending into the ground by a hand touching mine.
It was Noel, I saw his shoulders before I saw him. That’s how tall Noel was. He was a stunning guy and even a blind man could tell you that. His intellectual level made him more gorgeous. But the feelings that were shared between me and Noel were never more than best friends of the opposite sex. I knew telling him goodbye would be the hardest thing I ever had to do, besides standing through my brother funeral. So, compared to that it was easier than I recalled.
After taking a rose from the arrangement beside the coffin, I turned to see everyone leaving. I sat down in one of the provided chairs from the funeral home. My dad sped off in his car and I was alone with Noel. He stayed and watched me carefully. His eyes studying me as to plan to sink my battleship.
“Sit down Noel.”
“You’re going to do it aren’t you? You’re ditching this town. You’re doing what you and John planned for so long.” He spoke in a deep monotone voice, I couldn’t tell if disappointment hung in the air or approval.
I nodded.
“You’re leaving me.”
I nodded again.
“You’re leaving me with all these idiots and while I go to college and worry about you everyday.” He looked over at the chiseled name RUCKER that stood over John’s grave.
“I have to leave, I have to see what is out there. There’s nothing left for me here Noel. You know that.”
“Goddamn it Heather, I am here. You’re my responsibility now.”
“I am no ones responsibility! You and John never understood that I don’t need anyone anymore I can be fine by myself. Yes missing John will tear me to shreds but there is nothing I can do about that. And I know I’ll miss you and I know for a damn fact I’ll miss you so much I’ll yell at the night sky, but we can still keep in touch. You’re acting like I’m dying.” I said and took a deep breath. I never felt more angry at myself than I did in that moment.
“You’re right, I get there’s nothing here and I know I can’t protect you. I know that we can keep in touch, but you might as well be dying, you know you’ll never come back. I’ll go to college and meet new people who I'll always compare to you because you are the only great friend I've ever hadand they’ll never compare to the friendship I had with you. I’ll miss you, and I’m not going to fight for you to stay anymore.” He exhaled hard, I knew he was about to cry, he made the same face he did while we watched Free Willy. “Go, and find whatever you need to find. But you contact me everyday, and maybe one day Heather we’ll cross paths and you’ll be in love with life and finally happy because that’s what you deserve.” And with that last sentence hanging in the air he hugged me and he kissed my forehead. We stayed like that after tears started falling.
“Goodbye Noel. I love you.” As I separated our bodies, we stood up and starting walking in different directions. I reached for my purse to find my keys when I heard Noel yelling,
“Hey Rucker!” Noel screamed from his car, “No picking up hitchhikers or texting and driving.” His voiced cracked and he held up his hand to show a middle finger. I returned the gesture.
In the car I found my suitcase my dad didn’t notice I was packing the night before. I looked in the glove compartment to find the money I cut out of John’s mattress. On the dash board was the map, marked with adventures waiting for me.
“Goodbye John.” I whispered as I looked out the window to the grave. I turned the ignition and drove west, out of Texas and far far away.
