Desire (Kakashi) - Indefinite Hiatus

The Return of Cow-Man

“Hey…”

I ignore Kakashi and stare up at the stars, the rough edges of the roof digging into my back and stomach twisting. He walks over slowly and sits down beside me, elbows balanced delicately on his kneecaps. We’re sitting on the roof-being that that was the first place that came up in my mind to escape.

“I’m sorry for snapping earlier.” He looks down at me.

I say nothing and force my gaze to stay glued to the stars.

He leans over me, completely obstructing me view, and sends me an apologetic look. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“Hard not to.” I crawl out from beneath him and stand, hands curled into tight fists. “I understand that you’re terrified of losing them, Kakashi, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to tell me how I should treat them. Unlike you, I actually see them as if they were my own and I’ll fight until the end of the earth to protect them if I have to.”

“Sit down.” He says softly, patting the roof beside him.

I glare. “No.”

He sighs softly and looks as if he’s about to object.

“Don’t you dare try to pull that ‘I’m older than you’ bullshit on me.” I hiss at him. “I’m old enough to think for myself.”

He looks wounded. “I wasn’t going to.”

“Oh.” I avoid his gaze. Sighing softly, I sit down beside him and hug my knees to my chest. “Then I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. That’s usually the first thing that flies out of my sister’s mouths.”

“Why are you and your older sister fighting?” He asks.

“They’re both older than I am.” I say, resting my chin on my knees. “But I know you’re talking about Aveino. She broke a promise to me.”

Kakashi nods slightly and looks up to the sky. “Why do you value promises to much?”

“I don’t know.” I admit softly. “I just…I don’t know. I guess a little part of me hopes that people will honor their promises, even though I know it’s useless. I guess it started with my mom…”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” I shake my head, throat constricting tightly with tears.

He nods, accepting my answer for the time being, but I surprise him. “I was closest to my mother. I was the youngest, the baby, her baby, and she always called on me to help her with everything. She taught me how to cook, to color, to read. I looked up to her. And the same with Aveino, only instead of our mother she was closest to our dad.”

“So the first time I caught my mother trying to sneak Jason out of the house, she pinkie promised she that it was a onetime thing, said it’d never happen again. And I was stupid enough to believe her.” I stare at the dark indigo ocean blankly, forcing back the tears that threaten to overspill.

“Well you trusted her.” Kakashi says softly.

“I guess so.” I shrug. “You want to know something?”

“Sure.” He tilts his head to the side slightly.

“Sometimes I think Aveino blames me for our dad’s death.” I say dully. “Because I was there and I didn’t stop her.”

Kakashi shakes his head. “I seriously doubt that.”

“But you haven’t heard all the things she’s said to me.” My fingernails dig into my arms. “That little fight at the Hokage’s office? That was nothing compared to the stuff we’ve done to each other. That’s why Sarah didn’t jump in automatically, because she and Tyler are used to it.”