Grieving Hearts [Completed]

37- trapped.

Onika's pov...

I don't know since how long I am curled up in this corner and staring at the ceiling.

After his ultimatum, Agustin went out of the mansion in a haste and hadn't returned back yet. The way he looked when he left the room, I am afraid he will do something reckless.

Everything is repeating in my head again and again.

I feel hot raging anger built within me after his confession..... but there is also a little part of me that can't help but feel pity for him. I can't possibly feel pity for him after what he did.....but I do. Agustin's broken face just keep on flashing infront of my eyes, make me overcome with remorse.

Why don't you understand Agustin the Onika you loved is long gone with the Agustin I loved. We can't live with each other without getting hurt. We can't live happily together ever again. What you are imagining in your head for our life to be are just some useless fantasies, just the remnant of our past which can never be the truth of our life.

Just living together again won't bring back our old sweet days back. We both are gone too far for that. It will never be same again. I feel it's failure on my part as well for not being able to make you understand that.

I know you are hurting too but you don't just understand the consequences of your action. You don't understand everything won't just fall in its place like some magic. Everything between us is broken beyond repair.

What do I do to make you understand that?

I always have to fight to live, since I can remember. Perhaps I don't have the energy anymore, the strength of will to do that anymore. The worst part is the fight haven't even started yet and I already feel defeated.

I am trapped. Completely trapped. Living this life has become so tough that I just want to give it up. I have gone through many adverse situations in my life but had I ever wanted to cease to exist but right at this moment I don't want anything more that that.

I don't know what is right what is not. I don't know anything anymore. On one hand sometimes it appears that Agustin really regrets what he has done but then again he breaks my heart without a second thought as if it's nothing.

He claims that he loves me. Does love even enter into this equation? If I would have been asked this few years back, love was all that mattered to me. But now it seems love is nothing more than a fool's paradise.

What is the use of such love when you can see the one you love dying infront of you everyday but you still can't let her go just because you have turned a blind eyes towards it because you are too submerged in thinking about your own imaginary happiness.

Let's suppose even if I forgive him, I can't live with someone with abuse potentials. I can ever ever feel safe with him and not being safe with someone you are supposed to spend your entire life is a big deal. He had to let me go, there is no other way round if he won't let me go willing then I have to find a way out of it. But how? I have no idea.

I just want to throw everything around me and scream, scream until darkness consumes me.

What is happening to me? Agustin is going to take away ever bit of sanity I am left with.

I was pulled out of my trance a s my mobile started ringing.

It was Jacob's call. I picked up.

"Onika..." My name rolled off his tongue ever so slowly.

"Hmm" was all I could say because of my constricted throat.

"You..you alright" he asked carefully.