PARK MURDERS

PARK MURDERS 1

15 August 2016

The person whose spirit is dying is no use other than harming yourself and your surroundings. But if you see the light of life then you can revive, if you see love, if you see conscience, if you see mercy, if you see compassion, if you see confidence, then you may return to the life. Otherwise, it begins to kill other souls with their bodies. My soul died. I lost my work, lost my love, lost friendship. For my family, mostly my social profile and occupation were important. I was not very interested in them whether I was happy or not. The necessity of standing tangibly came in front of everything. But my soul died. There was no necessary condition for my revival in my life. I hit the bottom. I got off from my country. I went to search relief for my dead soul . People always look for a miracle in their lives. However, miracles were not seen miraculously as they were when they wanted to. Miracles happen in the most difficult moments of a person. But it is up to you to call it. Miracles do no come true on their own. I had to lose everything to understand this. When I lost my hope in spiritual life search, I saw that light and wanted it. I tried to reach him and help him. And then....

22 October 2017

When I opened my eyes, I saw skeleton head graffiti on my right side on the wall. Under it was written 'Kill Fascists'. It was a sight I was acquainted with. I saw the tree branches swinging in the wind. I noticed that I was lying on the floor. The weather was cold. I was cold. I tried to get up. My whole body was in pain. I was slogged to stand. I was in the middle of a basketball court. At first I could not realized that I was at the park which is near my house but not being there for a long time. I was not remembering anything. Why I was there? I had no idea what has happened to me. It was early in the evening and the weather was getting dark. There was no one around. I had started to scare. I started to walk with clunky steps, towards the exit of the park. I did not know what the time it was. Since it started getting dark, the doors of the park could possibly be closed, but I still walked to the exit to check. I was correct. The park doors were locked. I'm walked back. I began to move towards a point that I could pass through the bars which surrounding the park. I still could not remember anything.

Why am I there? What am I doing in a park that I have not been so often? Most importantly, what happened to me. I was walking and looking around to see if there were any park guards around, but there was no one. When I came to the point that I thought, I actually saw a partition that was more distant than the other bars. I slipped off the fence slowly and threw myself out of the park. My house was not far away. Since the weather was cold, there was no one outside the park. I checked my pockets to find my keys, but my pockets were empty. I did not know what was the time is. I did not know if my partner was home. I was heading home. When I got to the traffic lights, I noticed a guy on the other side who looked at me strangely. I understood that was so obvious that something wrong happened to me. When we got closer, the man's gaze became even more serious. I crossed. I was getting closer to my house. A couple of blocks down of my apartment, there was a big mirror at the entrance of an apartment and I stopped there to check what I have at my face. I saw there was blood in my face. Then I knew why that man looked so strange to me. The fear and concern inside me has started to grow even more. I started walking home faster. I pressed the bell. Door opened. My partner was at home...

When I entered to elevator, I could see more clearly the traces of horror in my face. For a moment, the elevator seemed to never stop. I finally got the 6th floor. I knocked the door. My partner Hristos opened the door. When he saw my face he was out of breath.

Hristos: What happened to you?

Devran: I do not know. I have no idea what it is. I found myself in the middle of the basketball court in the park. When I woke up, I noticed that my whole body is in pain. I have no idea how this blood came to my face. What time is it?

Christos: It's 9:30. I was not worried because I thought that you were with your friends. Please go to bathroom immediately. Wash your face and check if there is any cut. If so, we go to the hospital immediately.

Devran: Okay I'm going into the bathroom. Please be on alert if I need something and call you.

My relationship with Christos has not been going well for a long time. Christos was the one who I called him miracle. But what I experienced and what I felt did not overlap with his. While he was pursuing a dream with the middle age syndrome, he felt in love with his own dreams, not who I really was. My soul has healed for a year. It was revived. But a year later, it started to lose blood again. I did not feel safe, I took all the stress I had on my own. Sometimes it was extremely painful that he was not even looking at my face. That made me sick. My appetite stopped, I had stress again. Great hopes and everything that I had were upside down again. I was living with anxiety if he hates me, and I was constantly worried that I he ask me to leave from his house.

XQ$