Washed Up

Tidal Wave

Ross

Tidal Wave. Noun. [tahyd-l weiv]. A widespread or overwhelming manifestation of an emotion or phenomenon.

It's the first day of summer, and she's not here.

Riley didn't come.

I was sure she'd show up in her crappy car with her hair all wind-blown from having the windows down, a smile on her face and her freckles glowing in the sun. I figured she'd hop out, smile at me, and tell some stupid joke in the time it took me to run to her, kiss her, hold her.

But she's not here.

Javier keeps telling me there are still a few more hours in the day--it's only nine o'clock, and she might still show up. I guess it's possible, but the part of me that knew she would come has died. Hope has died.

I know it's been almost a year since we've seen each other, but we've exchanged some letters and I thought things are the same, or they would be when she came back. I still love her, more than I did when I left. Absence makes the heart grow fonder or some crap like that. I finished my internship and now I just want her. I'll move wherever she is. I'll marry her as soon as she'll let me. In all the places I went and the people I saw, nothing compared to her.

That's what I wanted to tell her today--that nothing compares to her. That of everything I want, I want her most of all. That I'll give up anything to spend more time with her. But she's not here.

Maybe what we had was only meant for one summer--a magic that only lasted while the sun was high in the sky. Maybe it faded for her as time passed and she forgot us, or worse yet, she remembered and moved on. Maybe I've clung to someone who hasn't clung to me.

"Man, Ross. You look like someone ran over your puppy."

I glare at Javier. "You ran over my puppy, or Ivy's puppy, two summers ago."

Javier shrugs and sits in the sand next to me a few yards from the giant bonfire in the middle of the beach. "Let it go, man."

"She didn't come."

"Give her a little more credit. Maybe she's running late."

"She's not coming, Javi." I lean back and rest my head on my hands, the sand cool beneath me. "I really thought she would. I was sure of it."

Javier sighs and cranes his neck back, eyes on the stars. "She was crazy about you, Ross. Didn't she tell you she loved you? That doesn't just go away."

I rub my forehead, pain searing through my skull from a long week of loading boxes and my first day back in the lifeguarding stand. Does love just go away like that? Do the feelings fade when you're so far apart? I don't know. In all honesty, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I thought that what Riley and I had would last the year apart. Maybe I'm just some delusional hopeless romantic.

I close my eyes to block out the stampeding thoughts. Riley didn't come, but tomorrow's going to be another day just like this one. I'll have to get up and move on and pretend everything's fine. Maybe it will be, maybe it won't.

My thoughts blur and exhaustion takes over, relieving me from the aching reality of the present.

"Hey, it's my favorite hot lifeguard. I thought you'd be a little more excited to see me."

The voice breaks through the grogginess in my brain and I rub at my eyes and find sand on my hands and face. I know that voice. I sit up, leaning back on my hands, as I regain my bearings. The beach. The first day of summer. Riley.