Safe

Scroop Confesses

You clambered down the last step to the crews' cabin and looked to the right at a hammock hidden in hadows in which Jim was seated upon. Stygian seemed to have been kept safe from the recent event and he stood beside Jim and looked up at him in worry with his big green eyes. Jim didn't look up to see you as you stood on the steps. You rushed over to him and knelt beside him and touched his cheek. "Jim, it really wasn't your fault. There was a lot of meteors flying at us. One of them could have touched Arrow's rope without anyone knowing. I mean, it was possible."

Jim sniffled and you sighed. You considered telling him about Scroops reaction, but you had second thoughts as to what good it'll do.

Jim raised his head slowly and looked at you. "You wanna know what those robocops said about me back at the inn after you-"

"Yes," you said quickly. "I know when. What did they say?"

"They said how they've seen people like me and started to call them these mean nicknames." Jim started to lean back until he plopped down on the hammock. He folded his arms behind his head just as Stygian flew up and lay down on Jim's stomach. Jim grinned sardonically and scratched behind Stygian's ears. "They called 'my type of people'-- me --a loser."

You sat down on your knees and waited for him to finish.

Jim continued with a solemn look as he stared straight ahead. "It stuck to me. It still has. I began to wonder if that's what people really thought of me. Some rebellious troublemaker who cares about nothing. I wanted to prove them wrong."

You parted your mouth in surprise. You couldn't believe Jim has felt that way since before you boarded! What, has it been almost two weeks since he's kept this from you? And you thought Jim was the paranoid one about you not being open to him.

You leaned close to his face. "Is that why you said something similar down at the lifeboat? And why you fleed when the Captain and everyone else seemed to blame you for Arrow's death? Because you hated the way people looked at you and judged you for your actions?"

Jim was silent for a moment. "Pretty much."

"And you never told me about this?"

"I didn't really think it mattered."

"You didn't really think it mattered!" You repeated his words ghastly and threw up your arms in the air. "Well, it matters to me!" You closed your eyes and waited for your anger to dissipate. It wouldn't help if you reprimanded him more. This boy was sensitive and every negative thing that he hears sticks to him like a tattoo. To look at them is to remember the harsh tones of people's voices when they speak ill about him. You knew too well that feeling. Although you don't remember everything, just thinking abput your tattoos washes a depressing cloud over your head.

You sighed and lay a hand on Jim's chest and said in a more gentler tone, "Jim. I care about you so much. You have to know how much it pains me to hear you have been feeling ..." you struggled for the choice for words, "...useless or even like people don't give a damn. You don't have to listen to what they say about you. You know it's not true."

Jim let out a frustrated huff and rolled over to the other side, making Stygian hop off his stomach. He stood with his back facing you. "It is true." He gestured his hands at himself as if he were talking to another person in front of him. "I am a troublemaker. I am a rebel." You noted the tired anger he held in his voice as if he'd been repeating those harsh words to himself for a long time.

You clenched your teeth and stood up fast and rounded the hammocks. "You may be all those things, but that doesn't mean that's who you definitely are." Jim stayed facing the bare wall with his head hung to his chest. You stepped closer to him and muttered gently though sternly, "You are Jim Hawkins. You are the boy who can build surfers out of simple metal and wires. You are the boy who cared about what I went through even when you had troubles of your own. Most importantly, I see you differently--who you truly are."