Playing By The Rules

6. Jennifer

November passed by in a blink of an eye, like the METRO light rail trains that came and went every ten minutes. My attention was divided evenly between managing all the responsibilities that came with directing the play and studying for the upcoming exam season in January. There were still a few months to go, but I was determined to practice better study habits and not procrastinate, especially when potential scholarships were hinging on those results. Having that monetary support would mean a lot to my mother, who was already working at her limit. College was expensive and I wanted to help lessen her workload.

Before I knew it, Christmas music was playing on the radio stations to signal the beginning of December. With the festive season fast approaching, most of the city switched into Christmas mode with its decorations. Colorful lights adorned the trees that lined both sides of Hennepin Avenue. Over in Saint Paul, the other half of our Twin Cities, Rice Park transformed into a massive flickering forest of Christmas lights. People went around the city to purchase gifts for the names on their shopping lists. Everyone was buzzing about Christmas.

Christmas was a time of celebrations, and while everyone had a slightly different reason for celebrating, the season always represented one thing: time together with family and friends. That was one of the main reasons why most people enjoyed Christmas, but for a small part of the population who lacked in both categories, the holiday also brought a subtle but noticeable sense of loneliness. I loved the charming decorations but aside from that, there weren't many things that made Christmas memorable for me.

Madison was my only close friend and the only one I made plans with for the holidays. Aside from the few days that we scheduled, however, my winter break was filled with reading. Basically most of my spare time was dedicated to reading. Occasionally people would invite me to a party, but that kind of environment wasn't something that I enjoyed, so I never bothered going to any of them. Being extroverted and social just wasn't my strength. I wasn't a Madison, a Caleb or even a Nick for that matter, but it was quite alright. I had long learned to accept the fact and move on.

The family aspect of Christmas was also incomplete, though my mother and I tried our best to fill the void left by my father. We baked cookies and watched movies and did things that most families did for Christmas, but still, I couldn't help but feel like something was missing. My parents divorced when I was six and I lived with my mother ever since. That was the way that things went. Just the two of us, for the past twelve years and counting. While my father remarried out east in New York, my mother and I decided to stay here in Minnesota.

To his credit, my father had kept contact by periodically sending me emails. Most of the content was small talk, asking us about our current conditions or letting us know about his situation. I learned that his second wife was named Helen and that they had a five-year-old boy named Elliot.

I wasn't mad at my father; I understood that the divorce was mutually agreed upon. From what I could remember, my father was a caring and patient man. He never showed signs of aggression, abused any sort of substance or cheated on my mother. They were just two good people who weren't meant for each other so they separated.

Still, his absence led me to constantly wonder about family life. I was a curious person with questions about everything, and none more so than relationships around me. How would my childhood change with my father in the picture? How would it be like to have Christmas as a whole family? How could I learn from my parents' mistake and find a relationship that lasts? I never really had answers for those questions, but it was worth the thought.

As I sat on my bed, contemplating these questions for the umpteenth time with the latest John Green novel in my hand, my phone began to ring. Madison. There were a few names in my contacts, but some never had a reason to call me - Nick - and others were emergency help lines like 911. The only actual valid contact in my contacts was Madison, who represented the vast majority of my call history.