11p.m to 1a.m

tottering

I have done my homework, brush those dirty white bones that are getting sloppy and stained, everytime I scrub them with a tiny sweeper , I fell down to my thoughts , with the stigma upon my chest , presuming that my life will stop being stingy , and give me the wish of ending this mess with a single twinge in my heart , 

let it rest , let is die

a tone climbing my throat "you are not going any further bub"

I cornered my head to the wall of censures , "It was me who...."

my thoughts, my screaming passed throught my tongue, my mouth kept lecturing me on it's own 

"hi, it's bub , i wanted to share and discuss my life to inscribe those fellow demons around my neck,

First, is it really worth it, this life, living a normal simple life with no events happening around it, I mean I tried to look for them , to try and live fullfully till the end" 

my others replied" it is not, you really think you're going any further with this , don't you ?, you are not  your friends started to act weird and crazy like you never knew them , your family looking at you with a sense of guilt, your dreams are impossible to acheive, and what is wrong with people thinking that they are doing good in their life, they're not , lying to their beds  ,screaming like a little child who losts his lollipop, death is..."

IT IS NOT" my tongue replied on it's own , and kept replying" 

"you think that's the solution, taking my own life, then when god asks me why, because i couldn't get over this sad theme, because i couldn't ask for help, because i couldn't shut down my red thoughts with a little a smile" 

"what is wrong with you, even if you got over it,, it'll come back againg, you hink what you did is forgiven"

"i don't, it did happened , i can't change it, i wish i could but i can't, but it is worth trying to start a new book rather than a new page"

with a mockery laugh" that's just sad, hoping for the best knowing it won't happen, but take a moment , he won't forgive you, and she won't too"

"she doesn't have to know"

"but you will tell her, you will, you always talk about your dark thoughts only to her, you can't keep your mouth shut, being pessimistic all the way down

but if you don't think death is the solution, at least change your life, starting with the people you call them freinds"

"for once in my life i found people who loves me, accept me as i am, protect me, so don't dare..."

"i dare , because they're not , it is not their problem, it is yours, you are dreadful, a cruel pathetic human who thinks he's good, that's why it happened, you killed her!"

"I DIDN'T"

"you did, she was the first girl that made you feel special , then broke her heart and left without any explanations , just for the sake of it, thats why she suicided , and you will too" 

begging " please stop"

" it's 12a.m bub, now is the perfect time , do it you coward"

"No, no...... I might, no..."

"c'mon , just a tiny swinge, or jump off the building, haha that would be awesome"

"...."

I'm fading, my hand started to crawl, dying over and over again, I looked up and a tear fell down , a picture of them flashed by 

a throe down my spine, and agony around my tummy ,