Determinant: One choice will change everything

Chapter 9: Tris - Fearless

Chapter 9: Tris - Fearless

By the time it's dark, we've worked out the details of the rescue plan. The actual rescue will take place tomorrow, since Christina and Cara both volunteered to be tested tonight, and Anna wants us to head out late tomorrow night.

I don't know how I hope the test will go. It's been really nice hanging out with Christina again, but I still remember her blank face during the simulation. If she goes with us, and she's not resistant enough, she's a danger to herself and to all of us. And after Will, I know I can't shoot another friend.

We all head toward the Hancock building together, since that's where the outsiders will be meeting the people who want to be tested. Halfway there, Tobias and I break off like we did last night, heading toward his factionless apartment. It's our job to get the rope and the other supplies we'll need for tomorrow and to get it all back to the other apartment at least an hour before dawn.

The moon hasn't risen yet, so it's dark when we enter the damaged lobby. I don't like the thought of walking over all that broken glass without light, but Tobias seems to know the path well, and he leads me through the darkness easily. I wonder how many times he's been here.

We walk to his apartment quietly, feeling the total silence like a pressure in the air. It's funny that we never seem to notice how loud the world is until all the noise is gone.

I breathe a sigh of relief once we're inside the apartment, with the lamplight glowing softly through the room again. It occurs to me that this is probably the safest we'll be for a long time. We should try to enjoy it.

I turn around to comment on that, but I stop at the expression on Tobias' face. He looks serious – and unusually vulnerable.

He clears his throat and begins a bit stiffly, "We said no secrets…so I need to tell you about yesterday..." But his voice trails off like he doesn't know how to continue, and he wraps a hand around the back of his neck as his eyes drift to the floor.

For a moment, I think of his arms around me last night as he taught me to shoot again, so much gentleness in his voice and his hold. And he did that after everything he'd been through – the Dauntless beating him, whatever spooked him so much about his father, the battle, my betrayal, and rescuing me – twice – from Erudite. A rush of affection goes through me, and I step close to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my ear over his heart.

"I think I've guessed most of it," I say quietly.

For a few seconds, he stands there, his body rigid, but then he lets out a shaky breath and runs a hand lightly down my spine, his palm coming to rest on the small of my back and holding me to him as his other hand moves over my hair. It's hard to tell if he's soothing himself or me.

"I've been thinking about it all day," I add. "And the thing is, you're not like Marcus. You're just not."

Tobias stiffens again, and his voice is tense as he says, "You don't know that, Tris. Neither of us can know that. All we know is that I'm not like him now." He pauses, and the next words rip out of him painfully. "My mother says I'm just like he was at my age."

I pull back enough to look at him, a coldness filling me. "She's lying," I say angrily. "She doesn't want you to leave the city, so she's trying to scare you."

He shakes his head, his eyes looking everywhere but at me. "You didn't see her. She was telling the truth."

But I don't believe it.

"No," I say firmly. "She may have convinced herself of that, but that doesn't make her right." I place my palm on his chest, feeling his heartbeat fast and hard, and continue. "The first time I met her, you know what she told me?" He finally looks at me again, shaking his head slightly.