Have a Little Hope

21. Have a Little Heart Attack

The past ten minutes have been a complete blur.

After grabbing a taxi at the edge of town, I am finally at the hospital. What surprises me is my reluctance to actually enter the All Saints Hospital; though really it should be no surprise. The last time I was anywhere near a hospital was when my heart was broken and I don’t want to enter again and leave with that happening again. I’ve barley managed to fix my heart back from my dad. However, the worry for whatever is wrong with Cole outweighs my anxiety, so I force myself through the revolving doors and ask the receptionist immediately where Cole is at the front desk.

After finding out where Cole is, I run up the stairs I trembled down two months ago, desperately searching for the floor and room Cole is on with only one thought running through my head.

Please be alive.

I find the floor and ward that Cole is on and find the room number he is in too. I open the doors cautiously to the room and relief washes over me as see my boyfriend lying on a hospital bed, connected to several machines beside his bed and several lines rammed into his hand.

Thank goodness he is alive.

I completely panicked on the way over, practically having a heart attack thinking something fatal had happened, but to know he is alive and in front of me, that makes me feel so, so much better. The feeling of knowing he is okay is indescribable. I am beyond relieved.

He looks at me and then he immediately glares at his mum, knowing she told me. Did he really think he could keep this from me?

‘What’s wrong, Cole?’ I ask frantically, rushing over to his side and I notice that he has very little colour to his face like he did this morning. I knew I was right. I knew something was off with him.

‘I’m okay,’ he tells me, forcing a smile and taking my hand gently in his. 'Don't worry.'

I look to Willa and she looks furious. She looks like she’s aged ten years with worry etched across her face. ‘You are not okay, young man. You know you’re supposed to take those drugs religiously to stop your body rejecting your heart. How could you be so selfish and foolish, Cole?!’ She asks him harshly.

I’m confused. I look to Cole to explain himself and he sighs, looking away from me before saying, ‘I didn’t bring enough of my pills for the weekend.  I thought I had enough, but I miscounted and ran out on Saturday.’

My heart sinks realising what he went through when his body was slowly telling him he was not well. I replay several moments over the weekend, all while his body was slowly worsening on him. How could I not have known about his pills?

‘Cole!  You idiot! Why didn’t you tell me? You stayed at the wedding knowing full well you needed to take your pills? Oh my God, Cole, how could you?’ I hiss at him.

Cole raises an eyebrow at me and admits breezily, ‘It was important for you to go to that wedding. I was hardly going to turn around on Friday evening; it took a lot of effort to get you there and I wouldn’t change anything.’

‘But you could have died,’ Willa buts in, with tears now streaming from her eyes and I feel really bad for her. She looks like she's going through hell being back in a hospital again. ‘Why would you be so selfish, Cole? You knew you didn’t have enough and you didn’t even bother to get them or even call me to bring them to you. They are keeping you alive, Cole. They’re not sweets you can pick and choose when you take them. They are keeping you alive.’ She fumes, grasping at her red hair and swiping her tears away.

‘Some things are more important than me, Mum,’ he answers her calmly. He looks at me and leans up, wanting me to kiss him.

But I don’t let him. Instead, I push him back and all I manage to tell him is, ‘You are a complete idiot, Cole.’