Lights, Camera, Kiss Me

Chapter 7: Hated Seeing You With Her

❤️Mac❤️

"Don't say that," I beg. "You can't say that."

He can't do this to me, not now. Now when I'm drunk and consequently defenceless when it comes to him. I have fought this thing between us for too long. If he touches me, I will melt in his arms, and how can I do that when he has another woman waiting for him?

I promised myself I will never let my feelings for my co-star cloud my judgement or screw up my job again.

I press my damp forehead against the cool glass of the car window. Even in my drunken state I can't lie to myself. I wish my feelings for Ryan were just infatuation, lust and the remnants of a teenage crush, but I know they aren't. In the darkness and silence, with his presence next to mine, I know I'm dangerously close to falling in love with Ryan Moore.

I need him to be the strong one here – to keep resisting our attraction. Is it fair to him? No. Is it right? No. Not at all. But it doesn't change the fact that it's what I need.

"You can't give up," I say. "You have to keep fighting."

"I've tried, Mac. I really have." Ryan's tone is frustrated, almost angry.

"You have to try harder."

He laughs a self-deprecating laugh. "You have no idea how hard I have been trying. This keeping our distance thing...it's not working for me. And I don't think it's working for you either. Everyone is worried about you."

"I'm fine."

I press my temples, feeling a throbbing pain. I'm far from okay, yet I can't bear the thought of others worrying about me, especially when my own worries consume me. Lately, a profound sense of loneliness grips me, and the intensity of my feelings for my co-star only heightens my anxiety, often robbing me of sleep. While I've always been in the spotlight, it now feels as though I'm a mere spectator to the unwinding drama of my life. The trouble is, I have no idea how to stop or rewrite it. This thing between us feels out of control.

"Really?" Ryan asks softly. "Getting drunk and looking for sex? That's you being fine, is it?"

"I over-did it tonight," I admit. "It was stupid, but I'm hardly the first person to let loose a bit too much."

"Mac."

"You have your distraction, Ryan. Let me have mine."

"That's the problem, Mac. I don't want you to have a distraction."

I swallow as the anger wells up inside me. Does he not know how hard tonight has been for me? How it felt to sit across him, pretending that jealousy wasn't slicing me to a million pieces? My vision begins to spin and I feel violently ill– either from the anger or alcohol, I don't know.

"That's not fair," I say. "You know that's not fair."

"Of course I know that. None of this is fair. It isn't fair that we've had to cut our friendship at the knees because of this attraction between us. It isn't fair that I can't touch you without..." He drags his fingers through his hair, pulling slightly at the roots as his face tightens. "I've tried to get on top of what I feel for you. Nothing has worked. Nothing! The feelings aren't going away."

"You have Cindy," I point out. "She's nice; I like her. You're going to break her heart."

"She knows this is nothing serious."

"I'm sure that will be a comforting thought when she's crying her heart out over you in the middle of the night."

❤️✨❤️✨❤️