The College Professor

Chapter 03

As I sat down with Penelope on Wednesday night I was nervous, really nervous. I had thought a lot about kissing my Professor, I had thought a lot about what could follow, I had thought a lot about what I wanted. I was unsure, everything was unsure and my thoughts just kept coming back to the same topic - if it had been a drunk night, spur of the moment kind of situation - or not.

I couldn't stop worrying so I had asked my roommate to sit down with me and talk - not about what had happened but about everything and anything to keep my brain from returning to the same God damn worries.

We boiled up water, sat down with tea and just had dinner. She listened about my Mueller complains, asked about my ex-boyfriend and my family. And I asked about her job, her future plans and the applications she had sent out. It felt weird to be going into the world to work, to leave this space that had been my home for three years now.

Thanksgiving was nearing my family had big plans for the holiday, Penelope's didn't and I remembered how different life had been for us. Her parents had died early on and she had lived with an aunt until she finished high school - they didn't get along that well. And then there was me, upper middle class daughter with married parents and a stable social surrounding.

We boilded up more water, sat back down and kept talking. She told me about an annoying customer at work who kept coming back into the store to 'talk'. She wouldn't buy anything, just annoy every person in the store and keep everyone from working properly. And I sympathised only very little, having worked in a local bakery when I was in high school.

We were really good friends though, maybe what could be called best friends. I wondered what Penelope would think of me if she knew what I had been doing, I wondered if she would judge me or tell me to follow my heart or laugh in my face.

Sebastian Hardy didn't have a bad reputation at college, how could he? He had only been around for a few weeks. I had no idea if he was after students and picked a new one every semester or if he was genuninely interested in me or if he simply wanted to do that casual affair kind of thing.

I thought of my ex-boyfriend, it had been so easy with him. We met, we hit it off, went to a couple of dates, became exclusive and from then on everything was clear. There were no obstacles aside from a few miscommunications and our lack of interest in each other towards the end of our relationship. Aside from that, well, we worked out, hardly ever got into a fight or even disagreed seriously. Easy is the word I would have used to describe our relationship.

Another cup of tea later I headed to bed, I wouldn't even have to get out of bed early the next morning but I was tired. All that tension was sucking the energy right out of me. Brushing my teeth, washing my face and putting on pyjamas - ten minutes later and I was wrapped in my covers. I hadn't changed them since I had turned into a single person and in certain spots it still smelled like my ex's perfume. It had been comforting. I need to change them finally, I thought though and opened the book I was currently reading.

My heart was beating heavily in my chest as I walked to my class. I had already smoked two cigarettes that morning and hadn't eaten a thing, it felt like I was about to take an exam. I felt off and confused and I was so nervous my palms were sweating even though it was pretty cold.

Standing in front of the building I lit up another smoke, it was addicting right now - it kept my hands from fuzzing around and I liked feeling the smoke fill my lungs. It was something I had control over and I knew that I had been smokting too much lately but I could't help it right now.

Five minutes until the beginning of the course, five. Breathing in deeply I turned around and walked inside, sat down and waited. I wouldn't even touch my phone, I only checked if it was on silent. And then he strode in, Professor Hardy walked straight to the desk and I watched him get a book out. He greeted us and wouldn't even look at me.