To You I Pledge (BBC Merlin)

Chapter 1 - Exposure

Merlin felt Arthur's body pressed against his, with the cold wall at his back, and the sensation of Arthur's lips covering his own was more than wonderful, but even as most of him surrendered, the voice at the back of his mind would not let him give in. He wanted this; he wanted this with all his heart, but one thing was very clear to him and it would not let him do it. As gently as he could he pushed Arthur away.

"I can't ..." he began to explain and watched hurt and disappointment flair in Arthur's features.

Defensive as ever, Arthur went to move away, harsh words on his lips, but Merlin caught him.

"Arthur," Merlin said, needing Arthur to really be listening to him, "I can't yet. There's something you need to know; something I have to tell you. Then ... if ..."

For once in his life he ran out of words. This was so important to him that it robbed him of the one weapon he rarely had any trouble with. Arthur's features softened again, seeming to understand, but Merlin knew that his prince could never really understand, not until he told the truth. Telling the truth scared him, and not because he thought Arthur would have him killed or tell his father, but because he thought Arthur might look at him differently. The fear of magic was so ingrained in Camelot and Arthur had grown up knowing nothing else and if Arthur hated him for this Merlin knew it would be the end of him.

"Then tell me," Arthur said simply and that was it.

The invitation was there and Merlin opened his mouth, but he just didn't know how to say it. He opened his mouth and shut it again, pausing to think of the right words. Seconds passed and he opened his mouth again, still unsure of what he was about to say, but knowing Arthur would press him for it in a moment. As he finally drew in a breath to speak, there was a banging on the door and Arthur looked away with an irritated frown.

"Sire," a voice came through the door, "your father, the King, requests your presence before the feast."

Merlin wasn't sure if he was relieved or as irritated as Arthur by the interruption; he was such a mess of emotions.

"We will continue this after we have paid host to these ignoble Barons," Arthur said, looking him in the eye once more. "I do not intend to let you go, Merlin, that is a promise."

All Merlin could do was nod.

~*~

The feast was, quite frankly, boring as the two Barons in court tried to out do each other with more and more outrageous stories of their gallant exploits. They had of course brought their daughters, who were being paraded in front of Arthur like prime beef, and Arthur was playing the dutiful Prince and taking notice of both sides. No doubt that was what Uther had wanted to talk to Arthur about, but it annoyed Merlin. It was Arthur's duty, but Merlin didn't have to like it.

Uther had changed a little since the whole questing beast fiasco. It had clearly driven home that Arthur was mortal, something Merlin would have expected a father to realise, but something, it seemed, about which Uther had needed reminding. Uther had been involving Arthur in many things far more lately, treating Arthur more as an equal than a son, but some things definitely hadn't changed. When it came to duty, Uther and Arthur were as bad as each other. Merlin was very much of the opinion that banging their heads together would not only be fun, but it might knock some sense into them as well.

The gathering was to do with trading routes and taxes and other boring things like that, at least that is what Merlin had gathered from Arthur's moans about how tedious it all was. Watching him from across the room, however, Merlin would never had known that Arthur was bored, well except for the fact that Arthur's eyes weren't sparkling in the slightest. Arthur wasn't even drinking that much, a sure sign this was all work and no play.