The Death of Antinous || bxb ✔︎

IGNIS AURUM PROBAT

"Step into the light."

Antinous stepped forward and dropped to one knee.

"You needn't do that when we are alone."

He rose. His eyes adjusted to the dimness and the room came into view. It was not as lavish as one might expect of the Emperor's bedchamber. The furnishings were austere but there were objects and artefacts from his travels that Antinous was not yet cultured enough to be impressed by: a Canopic jar from Egypt used during the mummification process with a human heart inside; an Anaximander map, the first known map of the world; a clay tablet inscribed with Persian cuneiform the words of Achaemenid kings. He touched the bust of Greek leader Pericles, a treasure rescued from the bottom of the Aegean, pocked with algae.

The Emperor closed the door behind him, his purple toga sliding across the floor with a hiss. In the field where they met, Antinous could hide in the grass like a rabbit and run away just as fast. Here there was nothing to do but walk around in circles.

"I brought you a gift from Smyrna."

"A gift?" Antinous peered shyly from behind the bust. He liked gifts.

Hadrian reached for an object wrapped in silk. Antinous saw a flash of silver and became excited for a moment because he thought it was a sword or a dagger. It was neither. It was a silver hand mirror with a Gorgon etched onto the back.

Hadrian placed the mirror in his hands and stood behind him. Antinous thanked him for the gift but did not look at his own reflection.

"What's wrong?" Hadrian guided the mirror in front of him. "Does the gift not please you?"

Antinous hated to appear ungrateful and explained. "My mother removed all of the mirrors in our home when I was born. The oracle said my face angered the gods. I am cursed."

He'd never said that aloud to anyone before. But Hadrian wasn't just anyone. He placed Antinous on that ship to Rome eight months ago and changed the course of his life forever. Their destinies were entwined.

Then, shockingly, Hadrian fell to his knees. He took Antinous' hand and kissed it. "You are more beautiful than Adonis himself."

"Blasphemy! Aphrodite will come and strike you down," Antinous whispered. "Adonis is her beloved."

"Let her. You're my beloved."

Romans truly had no sense.

His large hands wrapped around Antinous' wrists, weak as saplings in his grip, and urged him to continue.

"There was a terrible storm the eve of my birth. The oracle told my mother that the gods demanded a human sacrifice. She refused but my father lost his crops to the flood and tried to smother me in my cradle. I was too little to remember it, though sometimes when I'm frightened I can still feel his hand covering my mouth and nose."

Hadrian became gravely serious. "Human sacrifice is a barbaric practice that I have outlawed. That should never have happened to you. I won't let anything like that happen to you ever again."

His fingers released Antinous' wrist and wandered up his tunic. The boy stepped back. Hadrian wasn't angry. As Antinous would soon come to learn, he never appeared angry. His blue eyes were placid as lake water.

He put his hands out before him in a steadying gesture as though he were trying to break a horse. "There, there, I'm not going to harm you."

"I know that." He didn't understand what was wrong with him. He liked the Emperor and wanted to please him but his body rejected the notion.