Decaying Hearts

Chapter 14

   After the service, Howard and I went down to fix the fence before nightfall and bring the van back up to the building. Howard was a man of few words; If he had nothing worth saying then he simply said nothing. His silence was surprisingly comforting rather than hostile as one might expect. His sombre demeanour was calming. It reminded me of my father.
   My father was very much like Howard, a bald head with dark eyes, tall and muscular. He was a quiet man, only spoke when he felt it was necessary. He’d congratulate us on good grades, he would wish us good luck in school tests or he would preach how family always came first, but not much more.  He never said hello or goodbye. I suppose if you never say goodbye, then it’s not really the end, not really.
   He had killed himself at the beginning of the outbreak; the very beginning. He was gone before the virus had gone viral. He had seen some of the earliest transformations but nobody had believed him. Everyone thought he was just crazy, a midlife crisis or something. Hell, I thought he was an apple shy of a fruit basket, but he knew. He knew before all of us. After the extensive remarks from the neighbours and old friends, he eventually hung himself in the local park. I never had the chance to tell him I believed him.
   So the silence was a welcoming comfort. It was familiar and all I craved was familiarity. In the world distorted as it was, it was almost impossible to find anything that resembled the world before.
   But there was one thing on my mind amidst the silence. There was just one thing nagging at me in the back of my mind, a question, well a whole lot of questions that would help me come to a conclusion.
   “Howard, can I ask you something?”
    He grunted with a nod.
   “What do you think of Tony? Is he okay, I mean?” I asked seriously, not bothering to hide the concern from my face.
    Howard froze for a second, the carried on hoisting the fence to its position. “What do you mean?”
    “In there I mean. He shot two kids. They were just kids. Then he just... he went crazy on that guy and...” I started frantically.
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said so simply. “And neither do you.”
    “Then what is it? What is it about that group?”
    Then he threw the remaining of his fence piece to the group and pointed a meaty finger in my direction. “Right, listen here. I don’t know who you are, thinking your something special on your high and mighty horse but this world is hard. I don’t know what you’ve faced and you don’t know what we’ve faced. We don’t ask, so why do you?”
     I tried to speak but Howard continued. “We are how we are because the world went t shit. So what if Tony seems a little crazy once in awhile? Haven’t we all lost a part of our minds? Don’t we have to be crazy to choose to live in this world?”
     We returned to the silence and that friendly silence became an endless rift, an abyss of awkward regret.
    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude or cause offence.” I finally said, the heavy silence almost killing me. It felt as though it was suffocating me beneath the heat of the day that was slowly turning in to autumn.
    Howard released a heavy sigh as we finished the final pillar that would strengthen our fences. “Look, man. I shouldn’t have gone off like that. So, I’ll tell you. The guy we brought in before was a member of their group. A number of them had gone on a run in to town and was ambushed by a horde of dead. Well, this one guy got bit and Dim refused to take him back, but he had told him about us in the school. He told him that we had a cure that would stop the infection.
    This guy must have known better as when we picked him up, we saw him on the side of the road, he didn’t even mention it. He seemed to be fine, we didn’t even twig that anything was wrong, we just accepted him. We didn’t know, not until...”
    “Until he turned.” I stated sombrely.
    He nodded gravely, “he turned in the night and bit one of our own before we even realised. We had to put them both down when they we both on the hunt for a meal. “
    “Who was it? The one he turned?” I felt myself gulp, almost unwilling to hear the answer.
    “It was Tony’s son.”
   
    We finished up and checked the rest of the fences circling the school. The perimeter seemed strong and we took out two or three stray sets of teeth that wandered just a little too close for comfort. Hopefully, the rest of the night would be eventless.
    Once everything had been double checked, Howard returned to the school building in search of Tony whilst I brought back the loot. I stacked the food in the canteen with the groups supply; I secretly held on to a few cans of beans just in case and took the rest of the items to my designated classroom.
    A mattress had appeared in my side of the room, a note poised delicately atop of it.
    Please accept my mattress and my most heartfelt apology.
   -Tony
    I couldn’t accept it. It was Tony’s mattress. He had so much on his plate, and I was a fool to misjudge him. A leader needed somewhere to sleep, but then, so did Isabelle.
    I didn’t know how to go about it. Was I suppose to invite her to stay in mine and Lenny’s classroom? Or was it more ethical to put her in a room with the girls? After all, I wasn’t her biological blood and it just seemed so unconventional, but the convention of the dead staying dead was no longer in practise and I didn’t want her out of my sight. I wanted her with me at all times so I could protect her, so I could grab her at a moment’s notice from any dangers.
    She had spent the rest of the day across the hall with Rosie; it would give her some practise for when the baby arrived. I wondered when it would arrive; It couldn’t be too long now? A week or two maybe?
    So I grabbed the Moses basket that had been left in my room along with the velvet rabbit. I couldn’t give the rabbit away. After all, It was Isabelle’s but the Moses basket was much too small for her and Rosie needed something for the baby. I place the little yellow rabbit on to the mattress and make my way to Rosie’s room.
    Before I knocked, I decided to change my plan of attack. I’d invite her over to my room and then reveal to her the gift. I took the sheet from Lenny’s mattress and silently promised to put it back after I had used it to cover the woven basket.
    Thump, Thump.
   In seconds, Rosie opened the door and I had forgotten how dainty she was. Her frame was thin; the only sign of any weight on her was the baby bump. She was very short, being almost a head and a half shorter than myself and I wasn’t exactly the tallest guy to ever walk the planet. I had to admit, she was gorgeous.
   “Um, Could I, um...” I began fumbling over my words. Damn it Josh! I silently cursed. I coughed with a hope of recovery. “Could I have a word with you a second, Rosie?”
    “Sure!” She turned to the room, “Belle, I’ll be back in just a second!” Before smiling back at me.
    I brought her into my room and suddenly felt like a creepy psychopath that had finally lured a victim alone. I shook my wild thoughts away, embarrassed by the absurdity of my mind.
    “Thanks for taking care of Isabelle for me today, whilst I helped out with the fences.” I offered.
    “No, I’ve enjoyed being with her. She’s a good kids; she’s just been through a lot.” She sighed, I could almost visualise her thoughts: if only things were different. “Anyway, that’s not why I asked to speak with you.” I paused to compose myself. My body was betraying me. My nerves shone through like the lighthouse leading the ships through the storm and sweat oozed from my palms.
    She raised an expecting brow, clearly not understanding what else I could possibly have to say.
   “I got you something, I think you’re going to love it” I beamed brightly.
    Rapidly pulled the sheet from its place and revealed the basket beneath. I watched her face intently, taking note of how her sceptical green eyes transformed into overjoyed fields of spring. They lit up instantly and her lips curved into a bright smile. My insides leaped.
    She rushed over with a hand covering her lips and the other rested over her heart. She took her hand from her mouth and ran it slowly across the woven wood, rubbing the soft blankets between her fingers.
   “Josh, it’s beautiful. Where did you? How did you?” She grasped, fumbling for the words.
   “I found it in the house we found Isabelle. I had a rabbit for the baby too, but I assumed it was Isabelle’s and thought she might like a piece of her old life to keep.” I sighed.
    “Thank you, Josh. Really, I don’t know what I’d have done with the baby without this”
    She looked from me to the basket and back two or three times before she burst into tears. Liquid salt cascading down her rosy cheeks that left trails of silver behind. Silent tears quickly turned in to almost inconsolable sobs. Her green eyes were light and beautiful, only emphasised more by the perfecting film of water.
    I softly pulled her into me, holding her tight. My chin sat comfortably atop of her head as I gently stroked her hair. Tears were seeping through the fabric of my shirt, soaking through to my skin. Rosie was an emotional wreck; I just couldn’t understand why?
    I brought her face away from my chest with my hands gently against her cheeks. Slightly, I will the tears away with a swift flick of my thumbs. Her cheeks were like two clusters of glitter of where the silver trails reflected the setting sun behind me. Red strands of hair flew all which was and others stuck to remains of tears.
  “What’s the matter, Rosie?” I asked, my concern was obvious in the furrows of my brows.
   “I jus... I just don’t know how to thank you. You’ve... done more for my baby in the time you’ve been here than the father ever had.” She managed through sniffles. “When we first found out about the baby, we were both so excited about it. We thought, maybe it was a rainbow in the storm from hell.
    Around three months in to my pregnancy, clearly we had no doctors so we had no idea if the baby was okay or not but he began to realise the reality of bring up a baby in a world like this. He called my baby a ‘dinner bell.’” And the sobs began again.
    “Listen to me, Rosie. A man like that doesn’t deserve to be with a girl like you. He sure as hell does not deserve the right to be called a father.”
    “Didn’t he realise I’m scared too! What am I going to do if we end up out there and the baby cries? I’ll be risking the lives of everyone! How the hell do I bring up my baby in a world that’s just not worth living in?!”
     I remained speechless, just unable to find the words, incapable of finding answers. Her fears were rational. It was the first thing to cross my mind when I saw her pregnant belly.
  “Look at me. Nothing will happen to you or your baby. I swear on everything sane and pure about this world that I will protect you both.”
    Rosie turned to look at me without persuasion. It was as though she was looking at me for the very first time.
    “You promise?” She managed through trembling lips.
    “Cross my heart.”