The Parade

ache; cut; dissolve; burn; pull; sting; pull; yes;

push; release; rinse; sink- moan;

..Breathe Allen.

sink; giggles; more; yes; warm; giggles; please sink; sink-

That's what I miss, being so heavy and warm. Sinking, pulling, melting into oblivion. I miss it. I miss being so full of empty that I don't realize I'm starving myself to death. Knowingly eating myself up from the inside out, not nearly giving a shxt. ' That's nice ' Would echo in my ears and ring so beautifully, I'd sit and forever sink- I'd barely hear the space around me, not the sirens, not the pastpresentfuture- Barely my own voice. That is me- that I barely hear, I assume. ' Such a nice day 'also may present, I wouldn't care. Eeuh, I could be hearing that right now- I choose not to though. Silence. My ears catch the sound of my adams-apple hammering down, faster than the non-existent saliva realized it had collected there. I'm aware of the headache threatening to worsen.- Even though I already turned out the lights, even though it's sickeningly quiet. I blame the silence, it seems to lure sickness into to me.

Boy- Oh, Boy..Tar, Dragon, Junk, Dope, The Beast, Heroin. My palms slap down on my legs. Damn, did I just really do that to myself? I notice the trickle-like feeling I get across my shoulders, the bones in my back decide to join in the mockery.

cringe; lust; ache;

Something like a moan escapes my lips, feeling dry like the throat it tore out of. Fsck. Why won't you just leave me? Please leave. My callused fingers force through the over-grown mess on my head. I hide from my haven, what's left of my body and mind reel me into that mess. As for my soul, I've probably sold that for useless over a million times. The only thing I seem to have left is my conscience, and even that I can make disappear- No. I used to be able to.. I'm clean. Done with the bars, done with the H, The Parade is over. My hands clench tightly on thinning hair.

cringe; lust; ache

That's in the past. Walk forward, Allen; please. I jolt up on my feet, my spine along with the metal chair scream in result. Eeugh.. No.. I curse. Please go away, please go away-

left foot; right foot; left foot; right foot;

I pull my hands from my head, with no intent of releasing the hair from my fingers I tear however much will succumb. I let the wavy hair fall to the tiled floor.

left foot; stagger; right foot; stagger; stagger;

I want to quit, I really want to quit. A whine rises from my stomach, almost bringing chunks along with it.

cringe;buckle;hold;

No.

cringe;hold;

Hold it, hold it. I plead with bent knees, forearm pressing savagely into my stomach. Not the puke. I'm begging, please. No puke.

knots;tremble;waves; hold;

My lips press together tightly enough to start a raging fire. I get up the girth to at least open my eyes, wishing to feel somewhat less pathetic. My unsteady fingers push back the dark brown locks blocking my eyesight. Not that there's anything to see really, just everything I absolutely hate. I place a steady hand on the ground, slowly releasing my lips. Why, I shake out from my vocal chords. My late-for-shower hair quickly falls barely past the nape of my neck. Somehow hearing Clayton's footsteps approaching this infested rat hole doesn't pour a half-shadow of relief into me.

retch; shake; resentment; empty; spill; retch; loathing; shakes;

My sore fingers, matching all the other inches of my body, grasp for anything marked savior.

spill; retch; purge; gasp; purge; shakes; hold;