Community Service

Community Service | Part Ten

Community Service | Part Ten

            If I wasn't so hungry, my stomach angrily singing the woes of being completely bereft, I wouldn't have asked Ross to company me to lunch. In retrospect, sitting in the car in an awkward silence, I wonder why I didn't sacrifice my stomach's happiness and take Ross home.

            I finally clear my throat as we take the ramp to the highway and give him a quick glance. "So, did you have any place in mind to go eat?"

            Ross shrugs, giving me a small half smile. "I don't really care. Where ever you want to go." He seems to sense that I'm retreating into a shell, and I can see that he's confused by why I'm being so distant and it makes me even more irritated.

            Sitting there under the tree, just talking to somebody that I'd superficially liked for over five years, it was hard for me not to suppress those feelings that I had tried to force down when Ross dragged me into community service. And having those emotions all over again was incredibly frustrating; I had to focus on other things, like getting into college and supporting my mother and swatting away the pesty fly that was Anthony, and even if there was the slightest chance that Ross reflected my feelings, it just couldn't happen.

            Ever since what happened with my father and with the string of sleazy guys that just seemed to thrive off the broken atmosphere in our family, I was always guarded when it came to my feelings. Liking Ross was mystifying and irritating at times, and now, with him sitting right next to me in the car, I was a torrent of conflicting feelings.

            "So, I guess In-N-Out?"

            "A girl after my heart." Ross winks, and something inside of me flips, making me catch my breath and scowl.

            "Is everything alright?"

            I nod slowly, shooting him a quick glance as I turned on the blinker and merged into the right lane.

           "Everything's okay at home? That guy's not bothering you again, right?"

            Ross is bringing up a very touchy subject and I tense, looking straight ahead at the road. "Everything's fine."

            "You know," Ross starts, clearing his throat and giving me a quick glance, "I know we don't know each other that well, but if you ever, well... if you ever need anybody to talk to about what's bothering you, I'm all ears."

            An unintentional smile is curved at the edges of my lips, more wry than amused at the fact that what is bothering me is him and there's no way for me to express all my feelings about him to, well, him, and Ross raises his eyebrows. "Did I, uh, say anything amusing or...?"

            I shake my head no and roll my eyes. "No, not at all, but thanks for the offer, Ross. I make take it up someday."

            Who knew that I actually would?

***

            By the time we arrive at In-N-Out, my parallel parking job so sloppy that Ross kicked me out of the car and reparked it to his satisfaction (I didn't see any difference), there aren't many customers in line.

            "Do you want a Double-Double?" I ask, tapping my foot as the line begins to move.

            "Hell yeah." Ross replies emphatically, the atmosphere between us much less tense and awkward. "There's no other way to go."