Property of Billie Eilish (✓)

013

As soon as I stepped onto the bus, I saw her. It was as if everything inside of my body was suddenly set on fire. I speed walked over to her, my heart hammering in my chest. When I sat down she looked up at me, and she smiled. It was a beautiful smile, complete with dimples.

"I've missed you" I said breathlessly, not quite believing she was next to me. After not having seen her in several months, I really had lost hope she would even come back this year. But here she is, and here I am. Together again.

Her hair was a stunning shade of blue, and it brought out her eye color. I briefly considered running a hand through her hair, but went against it. I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. The silver and black medical band was fastened onto her wrist, glinting slightly in the sunlight that was coming through the window. Billie didn't reply to me, or even look at me after I said what I did. She put on her headphones and began to mumble along with her music.

"Billie?" I called after a while of silence. Her eyes met mine and she raised an eyebrow, her face showing annoyance. I felt my heart ache a little. It's been so long since I've last seen her, and besides the smile, I've gotten nothing from her. I thought she would come back better, but I suppose that was just wishful thinking.

"I'm sorry." Billie cleared her throat "I've missed you too. Can I have a moment, please? Things are a bit loud." She tapped her temple with her forefinger, wincing and then rubbing her eye. I nodded briefly and she turned back to the window.

We said nothing to each other the rest of the ride to school, and she kissed me on the cheek before rushing off to her class. A few people gave me curious glances, but I was too happy to even acknowledge them. I met up with my new friend group by the cafeteria and we all talked and made our way to class. Billie was in the hall talking to some boy, and her eyes met mine for a moment. She held my gaze for several seconds before looking away and laughing at something the guy said.

I was happy Billie was interacting with people now. I couldn't bring myself to feel jealous of the boy, and I knew that everything happened for a reason. If she was meant to be mine, she would be. Jealousy is just a pathetic form of self pity, and I didn't have any time for that.

My classes passed by pretty quickly, as they usually did. Billie wasn't there during lunch or algebra, and I wondered where she was for a few moments before having to put my attention back to my friends or my schoolwork. Even though Billie was more expressive now, I couldn't help but feel like we took a step backwards. I suppose I should've expected this, because we haven't seen each other in so long and it was like we were strangers all over again.

Once the bell rang, a hand wrapped around my wrist and yanked me into their body. Once the familiar smell of blueberry went into my lungs, I relaxed against her. "I'm with guidance now" Billie murmured into my ear "I'm sorry for disappearing."

She let me go and blinked up at me, the blue of her eyes sparkling with amusement "Did you-" she furrowed her eyebrows and looked behind me, a frown on her pink lips. I turned to see what she was looking at, but she put her hand on my shoulder, telling me not to interfere.

I took her hand from my shoulder and ran a hand over the medical bracelet on her wrist. She looked at me, not making any effort to stop me as I flipped the band over. Her lip twitched a couple of times as she took in a deep breath and let me process. Engraved in the back of the bracelet was 'Schizophrenia'

"You didn't tell me you were-"

"I didn't tell you anything, really." Billie sighed, pulling her hand away "We barely knew each other."

I played with my bookbag strap,  ignoring the final late bell. I had so many questions, but Billie shook her head and took a step back, deciding that she didn't want the conversation to continue.

"Can I come to your place? We can talk there. I just- It's loud and I'm feeling a little panicky. Is that okay?" She ran a hand through her hair and I nodded, appreciating her honesty. I turned my back on her and made my way down the hall to my next class, knowing that Billie was watching me the whole time.

I couldn't help but sigh in relief when my friends were waiting by the bathrooms for me. Tyler shot me an impatient look as soon as I got closer to him, and he grabbed my arm, dragging us to the auditorium and out of the school doors.

"You took forever! How's Billie doing? Is she better?" He groaned, but softened his tone towards the end. Liam looked at me curiously as well. Unlike the other girls at the start of the year, these two knew Billie had something wrong and genuinely didn't care, they just wanted her to be okay although they've never spoken to her before.

"I don't know. She's a bit more open, but still kind of distant. We barely knew each other, anyways. She said it herself" I unlocked my bike from its rack and hopped on. We left out bikes here so we could skip our last two classes and just ride around. I knew it was bad to skip class, but I just didn't care. I couldn't find anything in me that cared about school any more.

"Well. You can tell us all about it over some wine, yeah? I've got some in my fridge. Got it from mom" Liam grins, kicking his stand off his bike and straddling it. I laughed a little to myself, taking off in the direction of Liam's house first.

With the wind in my hair and the boring school building behind me, I felt free. Nothing could touch me when I was in motion. It was as if the wind peeled off all the stress and aches inside of me. Although cycling cleared my head, I couldn't help but think about Billie. I pedaled faster, pushing myself to forget and just move on.

I knew I was trying to run from my problems, but i couldn't help it. Can't hurt what you can't catch, right?

***

Note:

There's 20 chapters of this book, and a sequel. I apologize for lack of updates, I'm trying my best not to rush this book because it is such a delicate subject to cover. I usually update every Friday.

I know the chapters are quite short (about 1,000 words each) but that's how I intended them to be. I don't like to do filler chapters or write unnecessary things. Everything I put in every chapter is important, either right then or in the future.