Sterek One-shots

One last moment.

[This is inspired/based on "You Said You'd Grow Old With Me" by Michael Schulte I would highly recommend you listen to it. Enjoy!]

(TW: heavily implied suicide and possible TW for alcohol abuse)

I'd like to say I'm okay, but I'm not

I try, but I fall

Close my mind, turn it off

Why did you leave me? Everyone - The Pack, my dad, Melissa - they all keep asking me if I'm okay, I keep replying that I am but we all know that it's a lie. Every time I try to be I get worse, it gets worse. I only know one way to shut it off but you'd hate it and I wish I could blame you but I hate it too.

But I can't be sober, I cannot sleep

You've got your peace now, but what about me?

It reminds me of my dad - of mine and his past - and I despise it but I can't stop it; it keeps me numb. I just wish it could do more. I just wish it would clear my mind enough to sleep but I can't, not without you by my side. It's too cold in bed - everywhere, anywhere - without you. You left me in this hell hole without you.

It seems unfair that you get to move on and leave me here but I am not mad nor do I blame you. I just miss you and wish you were still here to help me - to help everyone. Gods, I miss you. I wish I could help you but I'm too late, always too late when it comes to you.

Thought we had the time, had our lives

Now you'll never get older, older

Didn't say goodbye, now I'm frozen in time

Getting colder, colder

I never said it back, I never told you how much I loved you because I thought we had the time; I thought I had enough time. Now I will never get the chance because we'll never grow old together, never get the chance to move out and live together. You'll never get to see The Packs pups or the finished re-built Hale House, the one you and Peter organized to surprise me and our Pack, the one you planned for us to live in. We'll never get married, never have children, never move further on in this, in our relationship.

And it hurts, when I think about it, it hurts so gods damned much that I can't move, can't breathe, can't even open my eyes for fear of not seeing you. For fear that when do I won't wake from a nightmare but I will realise that the falsity that I had been living inside my head, the one where you were still here, the one where you were right next to me, is just that: a falsity, a lie.

One last word

One last moment

To ask you why you left me here behind

You said you'd grow old with me

If I had the chance I would tell you I love you but I'd also ask you why you did it and why you didn't talk to me. I could've helped you, Derek, you could've trusted me. You made me a promise and you broke that promise along with my heart. You left me, you fucking left me!

I'm sorry, wasn't I good enough? I could've been better, would've been if it meant you didn't leave everyone; if it meant you didn't leave me. I should have been better, I should have seen it. I ought to have seen the signs. They were all there now I think back on it and I am so sorry. But sorry isn't enough now.