The Girl Next Door

(Chapters 13 - 16)

-13-

When Finn heard Emma's footfalls on the porch on Monday morning, he was deeply relieved, but he didn't go down to meet her. He knew she was upset with him, and he didn't blame her at all. He couldn't believe how clumsily he'd handled himself the other night. Every time he thought about it, his shame was just as fresh as it had been in the moment. First, he'd completely forgotten that women really don't like it when people creep up on them in the dark, especially a woman with bogeymen in her recent past, and thus good reason to fear. He'd gotten off on the wrong foot by scaring her, and then while he'd been making tea, hoping to help her calm down, he'd... well, he'd let things get out of control. He'd just been so surprised when she hugged him, and then, when she got that close, all of the inappropriate feelings and urges he'd been suppressing for weeks slipped their leash... and he was lost. He hadn't meant for that to happen, but she'd been so close, so hot, and she smelled so good and tasted even better, and her skin was so soft and her mouth so sweet and her thighs so strong around his hips... Even now, just the thought of those few unguarded moments were enough to make his body ache and his breath come unevenly. 

He'd been so close to giving in to those impulses. Every caution, every doubt, every sane thought had fled his brain, leaving only the taste and feel of her and the need to follow her into mindless carnal bliss. -But when she'd pulled her blouse off, his mind had almost short-circuited with absolute lust, and the briefest glimpse of the soft, sweet curves of her breasts nearly spilling from the cups of her pink satin bra, the obvious thrust of her hard little nipples straining against the slinky fabric, the delicate arch of her rib cage and the gentle sweep of her hips narrowing to the slim, flat expanse of her stomach, her tightly furled belly button beckoning for the exploration of his thumb, his tongue.... It had very nearly been enough to make him come like an inexperienced kid with his first skin magazine. He'd closed his eyes and held his breath to wrestle his body back into control, and in that instant, he remembered (far, far too late) how dangerous it would be to give in to temptation. 

Finn's sexual partners always fell into two categories: the kind that he met on the road and went to bed with right away, because they both knew he was just passing through and neither expected anything more from the relationship; and the kind he dated locally, taking out to dinner out of town, getting to know slowly, building trust and intimacy before he brought them to bed or, even later, before he brought them home to Catie. 

Emma did not fit in either category. He could not jump in bed with her because she was his neighbor and employee, and he couldn't blow out of town and leave her behind if things didn't work out. And even if he tried to take things slowly, she already knew Catie: Catie loved her, and Finn knew that if Emma became his lover, her relationship with his daughter would be at risk. 

In that one terrible, awkward moment, Finn remembered all of the good, necessary reasons why he'd been resisting his attraction to Emma, and he'd known he had to stop. Unfortunately, the force of that attraction, once unleashed, proved too much for him. He'd managed (just barely and with acute pain and considerable regret) to put her down and step away, but the effort had left him too shaken to do so with any finesse. He knew Emma hadn't understood-the almost feral frustration in her growl as he'd unlatched her legs from his hips had almost undone him, and the hot flush of wounded shame when he'd said "This is bad" had stung like a pinprick to the heart-but he couldn't change his mind. He'd tried to apologize, but she'd been hurt and angry and unreceptive. 

Finn hadn't been sure she'd come to work today. He'd hoped she would, as he craved her forgiveness more than was healthy, but he also knew that it might be better, easier, if she hadn't. He knew, from weeks of fighting a hard-on almost at the mere sight of her, that it would be even harder to resist the attraction now that he knew the heat of her sweet mouth, now that his thumbs had traced the delicate ridge of her spine and his hands had cupped the lush curves of her ass, now that he'd felt her strong thighs wrapped around his hips and her fingers in his hair and her full, perfect breasts pressed to her chest, now that he knew his lust was reciprocated. Having her around might very well drive him crazy, and yet the thought of not seeing her was every bit as painful.