OUT OF THE RED ↝ dave grohl

fifty.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

The sound of Robbie's shaky voice, small and hopeless coming from the door frame snapped Reagan out of her own slew of messy thoughts. She was crouched down to her knees on her bedroom floor, throwing her things into the one shabby suitcase that she owned from a family trip to Connecticut years ago to visit relatives. Kimberly could still be heard crying downstairs.

Reagan looked back, seeing Robbie standing at the entrance of her room looking downright terrified. A crumbling wall within her, the last one she'd been holding up as she'd battled through her explosive argument with Kimberly, shattered. Looking into her brother's frightened eyes tore apart any remnants of courage that she had left.

"I'm leaving Rob," Reagan said tightly. Her tongue felt like it was slipping backwards into her throat as she struggled not to cry.

"No!" Robbie yelped, scuttling into the room and falling down beside Reagan. He threw his arms around her shoulders and suddenly, he was six years old again, wanting nothing else but to be held and reassured by his big sister.

"I'm sorry," Reagan whispered, managing to kiss the top of Robbie's head and fight back the film of tears clouding her eyes. "I've got to go."

"Why?" Robbie pleaded. "You said you wouldn't leave! You promised!"

The shrill sound of one of the twins crying reverberated up the stairs from the living room. It was as if all the Abner siblings were abruptly discovered that the rock of their family was leaving them.

"Robbie, I'm so sorry. But I really do have to go. I'll visit you all the time, okay?" Reagan continued to litter her suitcase full of random items of clothing before getting to her feet and starting on the belongings she kept scattered elsewhere in the room.

"I don't want you to leave me," he cried. Fresh tracks of tears made clear pathways down his face. "Kate left and now you're leaving too. I don't want to be the only one!"

"You're not the only one," Reagan said, though she was silently crying too. She tossed assorted trinkets amongst her clothes, things she was unsure she would even need anymore. She wanted to escape the house as quickly as possible. Hearing Robbie cry for even another painful second would surely kill her. "You've got the twins. I want you to look out for them both, alright?"

"No!" Robbie cried out shrilly. "I can't! That's supposed to be what you do!"

"Not anymore," Reagan said. She bent down to Robbie's height, putting her hands on his shoulders. Looking into his eyes was like looking into a mirrored image of her own. She knew that they must have looked scarily identical, shiny and reddened with tears.

"But why do you have to go?" Robbie begged. "Tell me why."

Reagan had a hunch that Robbie had most likely been listening to her confrontation with Richard and Kimberly from the top of the stairs. If that hunch was correct, then he had definitely heard the truth, which was that his sister was pregnant. But even then, he was so young, young enough that the truth would not always be cohesive with what was happening right in front of him.

Reagan loved Robbie and had always been honest with him, but it felt too weird to explain in detail that she was going to get married and have a baby. It was a conversation reserved for a better contextual situation; being kicked to the curb while pregnant didn't make it any easier.

"Because I'm going to go live with Dave," she explained slowly.

"I knew you would marry him," Robbie whispered. "I told you that you would, remember? I knew you'd leave."

Reagan shook her head. "It's not like that. I never would leave you if I had the choice Robbie. But I've got to go be with Dave now. Do you understand?"