Ruth waddles along the downtrodden paths leading to her favourite lesson, Chemistry. Of course, why Chemistry is her favourite lesson is certainly not because she enjoys the subject. Much like the typical teenage girl seen in coming of age movies, a human with ebony locks piled on a mop atop his head had caught her eye– Nay– had stolen her heart. She normally doesn't condone thievery but she approves of this one crime (Jesus did not die for her to not sin every now and then).
There is a chill in the air that brings with it a festive spirit. Ruth's mood is high and her hopes higher. Engagement season is almost over. But there's still time. Ruth is determined to get herself a man who is gonna put a ring on it if it's the last thing she does. After an exhausting week of breaking up with all her previous fiancés, she's ready. She's prepped all her life for this. Her own mother had been sending her to Christian cruises for a solid decade in hopes of her finding a sugar daddy to fund her lifestyle. She's got this.
She bursts through the door, quite literally as the door is very heavy and requires a lot of strength to force open. A dramatic entrance– sure to catch his eye. It catches everyone's eye. Not her intended effect but she figures it will do.
"I just found out that Baby It's Cold Outside has been uncancelled…" Ruth launches into a tirade of why her problematic fave is now apparently valid. Claire makes a few sarcastic comments as usual, Georgia politely questions her argument and Pauline would nod along absentmindedly but she is usually literally absent (of mind, too, I'm sure). As she entertains everyone with her story of the day, she could feel it happening. Centimetre by centimetre, inch by inch, her body naturally starts to rotate. It's almost muscle memory by now. Her fingers twitch. If she doesn't manage to include Divij in this conversation somehow, she might explode.
Her head turns at a record-breaking rate, and just as she is about to request his opinion, Mr Lawrence opens the door.
"Yeah, come in." And just like that, the mood crumbles and Ruth's stomach drops. Panic. She hasn't spoken to Divij in over ten hours. What if he had forgotten about her? Her wedding plans! She'd already put a downpayment for the dress. No!
Okay, Ruth, calm down. You're not about to cry. It's okay. You're alright. Ruth Bridges, tears better not be about to fall out of your eyes right now.
"Transition metals are the bomb dot com," is what Ruth thinks Mr Lawrence said but don't quote her on it. She's too busy trying to avoid hyperventilating.
Her whole life had been leading up to this moment. And it's come to this? He'd barely acknowledged her, other than a second of eye contact when she had burst through the door, but everyone had turned to look at her, so did that really count? She curses at herself internally. Dumb. Dumb. She was so dumb. Why? Out of all the people in the world, why her? She just wanted to get engaged, damn it. Just a fat diamond ring on her finger. At this point, a haribo ring would be fine.
Ruth's face starts to make that face that she made during the botanical gardens in Scotland. Words cannot describe the pure pain, suffering and hopelessness her face makes in this situation.
Calm down.
Realistically, what's the worst that could happen? Her plans get delayed another year or so. So what? Ruth laughs in hysteria. It's okay. It's fine. The worst that could happen is that nothing happens.
Oh shit.
The worst that could happen is that nothing happens.
Ruth's brain screeches to a halt.
"Yaaas, transition metals are so cool, y'all. And guess what? This row of elements that I told you at GCSE were transition metals? Sike! There are two elements there that are playing pranks on you, bros. Anyone tell me what they be?" Mr Lawrence drones on and people start to mumble about possible answers, clearly not knowing what they are talking about.
Vulnerability. Her worst nightmare. Her biggest fear. She had made herself vulnerable again. And at what cost? She is yelling at herself now. It's quite funny.
Her worst case scenario is playing out right in front of her very eyes. Zero interactions. She hadn't spoken to Divij at all today. And it was so easy for nothing to happen. What if it was like this forever? Nothing happening. Crap. That's even worse than something happening.
Ruth's face crumples. She starts to sniffle. Georgia glances towards her with vague concern but Ruth just shakes her head.
"Is this because I told you I can't come to your Christmas dinner?" Georgia asks, unaware her friend was that melodramatic.
Ruth shakes her head once more. Pauline's spirit, detecting Ruth's distress, asked Claire for tissues to give to Ruth. A clean, sterile, white piece of recycled pulp magically drops into Ruth's lap. Ruth blows her nose, not even registering Pauline's help. Rude.
What a dumbass. She's not sure if she's addressing Divij or herself. Who even cares? She's a dumbass, he's a dumbass, the universe is a dumbass.
Why is the world so against me? Ruth cries. No one answers.
That is how Pauline ended up with Ruth as a rather sad heap on her living room floor later that day, lamenting over her dumbities and mourning her lost engagement.
