NYE: Entry #40

The Confessions

When Agnetha had opened her eyes, it took some time to comprehend where she was. She observed the tight space she was in and soon then realized she survived. She closed her eyes again in relief to know whatever had happened to her didn't end her life. The paramedics in the ambulance had run their procedures to get her checked. Two of them had hovered over her as they continued to check her vitals. To the left of her she had found Christian and Björn with the sound of sirens coming and going. The paramedics communicated to one another and though she heard their voices, she couldn't comprehend what they had said. She knew they asked her something.

"I'm fine," she said weakly. She was anything but fine and all understood it. The first was Björn who was completely pale, wrecked, and horrified.

"Anna?" his voice cracked as he leaned forward and fought to not breakdown.

She removed the oxygen to speak. "The journal," she roughly made out. "Where's... the journal?"

"I have it, sweetheart, don't talk. You can't talk right now," he said. He held onto her hand and watched her close her eyes in relief. The last thing she wants is for everyone to discover what had happened. For one, Christian noticed something was strange. Something had certainly happened. He couldn't bare to see his parents this way, for he had never seen it, let alone to know his mother had just suffered a stroke. And what journal? Christian observed his father, watching him wipe the tears from his face and cling onto her fingers in a way he never had done before. He had never seen such fear and such heartbreak. What they had experienced back at home was the biggest nightmare.

When Agnetha had opened her eyes again she took notice of a few things. She had never been in that particular room before, that she knew. The windows had blinds, the walls were white, there were two chairs– one occupied by her daughter. To the right of her stood Jens and Christian beside a monitor that tracked her heart rate.

Listening to the voices in the room she tried to match a face to what she heard and after a minute she had. There was no mistaking it was Björn.

"Mama?" Linda jumped out of her chair and walked to the bed. She held her mother's hand and choked back tears she couldn't help. She was immensely distraught. She brushed back her mothers hair and took her hand to hold.

Björn swung around immediately and didn't care to finish the sentence he was saying. Lena had looked over his shoulder and a relief ran through her and the rest of the room.

"How are you feeling?" Agnetha shook her head at her daughter and had no strength to bring out words. She still felt pain in her heart and if she said anything it wouldn't do her any good, instead it would shatter her yet again to remember. She didn't want to worry any of them. Chatter flowed softly as the made small comments about different things. They watched her pull away the mask and breath for herself.

"H-Happy New Year." The family kindly smiled through their tears and some playfully rolled their eyes that she would have such a sense of humor even in a moment such as this. All but Björn who was too pained to find anything funny in such a circumstance.

"What happened, mama?" Christian asked. "You took your blood pressure pills this morning, didn't you?"

"I don't remember," she breathed. "Perhaps not."

"It's my fault I exhausted you," Linda was wiping her eyes, and when Agnetha saw it, she blinked at her daughter as she squeezed her hand to reassure her she was well, even if her state and environment contradicted what she wanted them to believe.

"No, baby," she whispered coarsely. Björn cursed everything to himself. It was because of him, he thought, and his children shouldn't blame themselves.