51 | Goodbyes

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IT TAKES A few days to get everything sorted. I'd never really been to a funeral before, except when I was little and too young to remember what it entailed, let alone planned one. In fairness, Mum had got most of it done— from the colour of the flowers to the invites. Even so, it felt as though I suddenly had so much to do and so little time.

By the time the day of the funeral came round, I knew that, though I'd felt overloaded with work, the business of the past few days had been a kind of salvation. And that now, with nothing else to do but think, it all felt a lot too much.

Mum hadn't wanted the extravagance some people do on their send off. Instead, she'd wanted a small service with as little cost as possible. So, knowing that we hadn't booked a special car to take us to the funeral, neither Miles or I knew who was knocking at the door half an hour before we were meant to leave.

"Stay here," he said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. I stayed sitting on the dining room table chair, eyes averted from the sofas. I could hardly look at them without breaking down, envisioning her sitting there as she had done for so many years.

I heard him open the door and speak to whoever was behind it. They were hurriedly ushered in, following the noises of flashing cameras all in quick succession.

It didn't feel as if I had the energy to turn to whoever it was.

"Jolie," a voice said. I stood and looked to Autumn, standing in the doorway as Miles stood behind her, both in black formal wear. "Jolie, I am so sorry. For everything."

"I'll make a cup of tea, yeah?" Miles said, sliding past her and me, giving me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as he did.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am," she said, eyes on me so intently. "Everything is such a mess and so much of it is my fault. I know I've gone about this all the wrong way. But in my mind, it was best to give you space and now... now I know that I should've been here, supporting you. I'm so sorry for not telling you about your dad and Archer. But mostly, I'm sorry for not being here when you needed me the most. I don't know how I can ever get you to forgive me."

I kept silent for a few moments, absorbing her words and playing them over in my mind. I stepped toward her. She seemed unsure, something I'd hardly witnessed from her— usually so assured of herself, much like her brother. When I held my arms out, she paused momentarily before jumping into them.

"You're here now," I said into her hair, surprised I could breathe from how tightly she clung to me. "That's all that matters." We stayed like that for many moments, but I realised as neither of us wanted to let go, it was something that was much long overdue and needed. God, it was needed. "It's not your fault about Archer and my dad, either. I shouldn't have blamed you for that."

She pulled back to look at me. "I broke the trust of one of the only people that has ever truly cared for me. I can't lose you, Jolie. I'm so, so sorry." Rather than argue, I simply pulled her back in, soothing her gently.

We ended up going to the funeral together. Miles insisted on driving, so we took Autumn's car which he was not complaining about. Once the camera flashes and hoards of cameramen died down, I could see that he was slightly enjoying being behind the wheel of such a nice car.

"How are you and Noah?" I asked, needing to be rid of the silence and have something other than Mum to talk about.

Her shoulders slackened and her eyes drew themselves, ever so slowly, to mine. "I-" she sought around for the right choice of words. Her eyes fell to her lap where she began toying with her dress. "I don't know."

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