𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫. [𝐥𝐫𝐡]

chapter nine: "dreams and early morning visits."

[carmen leigh]

"no one else is ever going to like you, you know. i'm the best you'll ever get."

"that... that's not true! nova and ash..."

"nova and ash only hang around with you because they feel obliged to. they pity you, carmen. how does that feel?"

"you're lying!"

slap.

"never accuse me of lying. i know what's best for you, i know the truth. i suggest you listen to me, or else."

"but-"

"shut the fuck up. your voice gives me a headache..."

"i just-"

punch. push. kick.

"why can't you follow a simple fucking instruction, you useless bitch. i don't know why i even keep you around, i could do so much better..."

"carmen, baby, it's just a dream. it's not real, you're okay..."

i wake to tears streaming down my cheeks, and ashton gently cupping the sides of my face. his eyes are red from tiredness.

cracked sobs continue to break from my chest as ashton pulls me into his chest, stroking my back gently. i bunch his shirt up in my hands, pulling him even closer.

i can't think straight. it feels like all of my thoughts are tangled together. the dream has left me in a wreck, so bad that i feel like i can't move my limbs.

"it was so real... it felt like i was reliving it all over again, ash..." my words are slightly muffled due to my face being buried in his shirt.

his arms tighten around me. "was it him again?"

i don't grant him a verbal reply, choosing to nod my head slightly instead.

"i swear, if that bastard ever comes near you again... i'll cut his tiny dick off and shove it down his throat." ashton's voice is angry and hard, a stark contrast to his usual bright persona.

it doesn't feel right to see him so livid.

i pull my face up to meet his eyes. "when we moved, we didn't tell anyone where we were going. he has no way of finding me, but i can't help but worry... what if he does? what if someone tips him off..."

"i'm not going to let him hurt you, cam. i couldn't protect you last time, but it'll be different if he tries anything ever again."

we both know if he tried, there's nothing we could do to stop him. he always gets what he wants.

there's nothing more terrifying than a person with no control.

-

used to waking up alone, the body in the bed next to me temporarily confuses me. until the events of the night before come flooding back into my memory.

oh god, i woke him up because of a stupid nightmare? i'm such a bad friend...

it didn't take me long to fall back to sleep. i've never been good at staying awake, even though i'm an extremely light sleeper.

i'd expected ashton to leave and go back to his room once i'd fallen asleep again, but apparently he decided to stay and sleep in here instead. i don't really have a problem with that, but nova would definitely ask a few questions if she found out.

she's an extremely suspicious person.

i poke ashton's face in an attempt to wake him up.

his nose twitches a little, but he doesn't stir.

i decide to take this as a challenge.

i prod his eyelids, the tip of his nose, all over his cheeks, and pull on his hair, before he finally begins to wake.

in a final attempt, i poke at his mouth.

the bastard responds by biting me.

"SHIT! OW, FUCK THAT HURT. WHY ARE YOUR TEETH SO SHARP YOU ABUSIVE MOTHERFUC-"

he shoves his hand over my mouth, effectively cutting off whatever i was about to say. "language. it's too early to swear. besides, it's your fault for putting your finger near my mouth."

he's got me there.

"i'm sorry about last night... i didn't mean to wake you." i mumble once he removes his palm.

confused, he scrunches up his face. "why would you have to apologise for something you can't help."

because i feel like a burden. because you have more important things to do than hug me whilst i cry. because it's over, so i shouldn't be so upset about it.

"because i was loud..."

"you were scared. you were sad. you needed someone, so i was there for you. you don't have to apologise, carmen." ashton slowly rose from the bed, grabbing my arm and pulling me up with him. "you'd do the same for me and nova."

-

[luke hemmings]

"I WANT MOMMY!" louis screams bounce off the walls of our house, almost shattering my eardrums. "I WANT MOMMY, I WANT MOMMY, I WANT MOMMY, I WAN-"

"i know, lou. i know you want mommy but mommy isn't here right now."

louis has been wailing for carmen for what feels like hours. neither michael, calum, or i could calm him down. he wouldn't stop, even when we offered him his favorite candy.

we're not the best negotiators.

"louis, daddy's right. there's nothing we can do, we can't disturb carmen right now, it's too early." calum tries to reason with the small boy, who is currently on the verge of tears.

louis temporarily stops shrieking, choosing to fold his arms and pout instead. "i just want mommy. i won't... i won't sleep until mommy gets here."

michael runs his hands through his hair with a sigh. "look, little man, if we could get to your mommy, we would. but she's probably asleep right now... i wish i was still asleep right now..."

lou starts to scream again, pounding his fists against the bed. his tiny face scrunches up in anger, a crimson color flooding his cheeks. tears pour down his face as he cries.

my hands drag down my face as i groan in frustration. "we could... we could just call her? i really can't do this any longer... we really aren't good in situations like this."

two minutes later, i'm sitting on the ground, phone in hand, with a slightly happier louis sitting on my lap.

"hello... luke?"

"hey, carmen. i know it's really early, but louis really wants to see you, and i can't calm him down. do you think you could come over to see us? i mean, him?"