MACHINE

7. Inhuman, Neither in the Nature of Humans Nor in Their Character

The train car jostled every so often. I had no sense of how long I had been there, I only lay in the back corner staring at the rusty ceiling. The car door was still open, and cold and aggressive wind filtered through it. It was extremely loud but I paid no attention to it. I felt absolutely defeated. There was no point to any of it without him.

The sun rose and fell outside the train, but I barely saw it. If I didn't have Lucas to live for, why was I still here? I contemplated jumping out the train and letting myself get torn into parts all over the tracks, but I didn't. I couldn't give up yet.

They had Lucas in their grip, that was true, but I could get him back. I was sure they would either return him to Juliet, give her a refund and sell him to someone else, or bring him back to the lab, all meaning he was out there somewhere. He was too expensive to just kill, and I doubted they would be able to wipe his consciousness and replace it with another's. He was out there, I just needed to find someone who knew where to look. Although I had been in the laboratory, and Juliet's mansion, I had no idea where either places were actually located, and he could end up somewhere else entirely. I did know that I was approaching the capital, Dross, as I saw a city limits sign a couple miles back, and I was sure someone there would be able to help me. We passed a couple small houses, which eventually got closer together until we were speeding by full neighborhoods and tall apartment complexes. The train passed many areas such as this for hours.

Dross was a much bigger city than Alter, the city where Lucas and I used to live. The train soon passed by a richer area of the city, not too close, though, as the rich probably didn't want to lay eyes on the 'eyesore' trains that passed on these tracks. From what I could see, there were skyscrapers that literally touched the clouds, glimmering in the sunset. As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, bright lights covered the streets in patterns and flashing colours. Loud music blasted from that area, and some small fireworks went off, but it was very far away. I supposed it would be truly spectacular up close.

Eventually, the gorgeous part of the city was far out of view. The houses and establishments that were in sight now became progressively more tattered, broken, and disheveled as we traveled farther. This was where the poor lived, called 'dregs' by the government. They were branded as 'the useless people', and no one cared for them much. They were considered dirty and unintelligent.

Near a small government rations station, the train ground to a halt. Workers wearing plain grey uniforms and small caps unloaded coal, stale bread, and other such materials into the rations station. As they began to re-enter the train to move on to other areas of the slums, I jumped out of the train car and landed on the dirty asphalt, trying to stay out of sight. Although me and Lucas had never been well off, I had never seen such a desolate place anywhere in Alter. I found it interesting that Dross had such a mix of rich and poor, though so neatly segregated. I quickly slipped into an alleyway, anxious to go unseen. A Bot wandering around the richer areas was not unheard of, people often sent their Bots on errands. But down here? There were no personally owned Bots in sight, only the rusty government Bots that were sent here to assist in observing and policing the slums, as well as those who did some low-end jobs. None looked as expensive or high-tech as me, though, and I would quickly get stolen and sold out here. I needed something to hide myself with.

I pilfered through some large garbage disposal units, finding a plethora of rotten food, extremely tattered and stained clothes, ripped mattresses, and shattered pieces of glass and plastic. I had to layer several shirts and pairs of pants to avoid my synthetic skin or my glow marks showing because of how many holes each garment had. I found a long sheet of tarp and wrapped it around my head and my shoulders to conceal my pale face and glowing eyes. There were no shoes in the disposal unit, but there was plenty of black mud on the ground which I smeared on my feet to hide their unnatural snow-coloured hue.

I left the alleyway, trying to keep my head down and covered by the tarp. It had begun to rain, and people were gathering inside their houses. I walked down the street, hopefully unnoticed by passersby, and spotted a tavern that citizens were flocking to. This sparked my interest, as I knew that there must be a charging station somewhere inside. I desperately needed to charge, as my batteries were running low and I had no replacements, I concluded I must've dropped the pouch of batteries we had as I jumped onto the train along with Lucas. My movements were beginning to slow against my will, and it was a fight to make it inside the tavern. As everything was for the poor, alcohol was rationed. You earned a certain amount and that was your limit, anyone who exceeded their personal limit was kicked out of the bar by bouncer-Bots. They were what the charging stations were for.

I entered the bar tentatively, keeping the tarp far over my head, covering the dim glow of my eyes and my Bot features. I half expected the barkeep to reprimand me for coming in shoeless and tracking in mud, but I soon realised the floor inside was just as muddy as the street, and that half the customers wore no shoes.

I didn't look up at all, and tried to avoid getting too close to anyone. I made my way quickly to the back corner, and slipped into the Bot charging station. I heard some people mutter about it behind me, so I tried to be quick. There was no reason for a human to be in here, as the Bots were programmed to be able to charge themselves when they were low in battery. I hoped I didn't cause too much of a stir for anyone to follow me. The small rectangular room was lined with seats, and from the walls above each, wires hung. At the end of each wire was a small rod shaped piece of metal. I sat down, relieved now that I could rest. Trying to persist with low power was exhausting. I inserted the plug at the end of the wire into a slot in my upper arm and felt a fresh flow of electricity flooding my copper veins. It tickled slightly, like a faint burning sensation, but it felt glorious. I laid my head back and let the new surge of power sink into every segment of my being.

I was glad my body was covered because without the constant visual reminder of my mechanical body, I could almost sit there and pretend I was just a regular person relaxing in a chair. It was hard to look at my body and not hate myself. Machines were untrustworthy, and cruel, and evil. It felt so wrong to be in my skin. I closed my eyes and imagined myself flying far away from Tera, to a land where everything was calm and perfect, my imagination my only home. It was a trick I had learned when I was very young, when the world became too much and I needed somewhere where I didn't have to think anymore.

The light shone through the trees of an apple orchard and I lay among the roots alone, warm and comforted, my mind empty of plaguing thoughts. There was a gentle breeze, warm and exotic. It was pure exhilaration and it felt like a home. A little place carved out in my thoughts where I could be totally happy, and I could wish away everything around me for a moment. The apple orchard didn't exist anywhere, as far as I knew. It was a product of my imagination, because no memory of mine was good enough to be a sanctuary.

I smiled into the sun. The sky was so blue, and the clouds were in perfect puffy shapes. But very quickly, the scene of the orchard melted away and I soon found myself in a field. The sun still shone strongly, filtering through tall reeds of grass. I was running towards something, but what I did not know. I was younger, I was human. I was running towards someone.

It took me a second to recognise him, he looked younger too, as if an image of him years before we had actually met. Of course, it was Lucas. Seeing him woke me from my daydream. It seemed impossible at that moment to dream away reality, my subconscious was bringing my fears and my guilt back to me. I opened my eyes, and looked at my cursed hands. The hands that let him fall behind. I failed him, I failed Cassie, I failed everyone. I always let down everyone I had ever loved.

In a sudden rush of anger and frustration that was uncharacteristic of me, I punched the wall twice. The metal of my hands cracked and broke in places as I created matching dents in the large brick wall. I fell to my knees, hating myself.