Drowning on Dry Land

Nightmares and Insecurities

Eddie wanted to go right back to the hospital as soon as they left, but Buck was right. Christopher needed to be settled and they both really needed some good sleep.

But that sleep didn't come easy.

Christopher had been exhausted at the hospital and slept soundly in bed with Buck, but as soon as they got home and Eddie tried to get him to lay down in his own bed, he was a mess.

"No! Daddy, don't leave me," Christopher sobbed, when Eddie kissed his head and moved to shut off the light.

Eddie ran a soothing hand through Chris' curls before shifting onto the bed, lifting his son into his arms and rocking him gently. "I'm right here, buddy. I'm not leaving you."

Eventually Chris' sobs tapered off to hiccups. "I— I want my Buck. He should be here, too. We left him. He's a— alone."

Eddie didn't know what to say because they had left Buck alone in the hospital.

"Bud," he says gently, "Buck has to stay at the hospital right now or else he would be right here with you. Once he's all better he can come play with you."

"And sleep here?" Chris asked, wide eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm sure if you ask him then he will sleep here with you." Eddie kissed Christopher's forehead as he laid back against his chest.

"B—Buck protects me. I need him here." Chris murmured, barely awake.

Eddie couldn't help but grimace at the implication of him not protecting his son. "For now, I'll protect you, okay?"

Chris nodded, giggling softly. "You always protect me, Daddy." He burrowed his face even more into Eddie's chest, yawning. "But Mommy is in heaven, so we have Bucky."

Eddie sat dumbstruck as Chris finally drifted off to sleep.

Did Chris see Buck as a replacement for his mom?

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Things didn't get easier over the next two days. Every time Eddie thought they would get a chance to go back to the hospital together or that maybe he could sneak away to go by himself, there was something that went wrong.

Chris was barely sleeping, and when he did, the nightmares woke them both up not long after he'd finally succumbed. His terrified screams ripped through the house at all hours of the night.

He had a panic attack about washing his hands the first morning home, which took so long to calm that they were almost late for his check-up appointment. He was using his spare set of crutches which were taking some getting used to, but at least the doctor had said his health was okay.

He did need to see a psychiatrist, though. The doctor made it clear that panic attacks and nightmares were expected, but it was better to talk it out.

After two days of stress, Eddie just wanted a nap, but he also really wanted to check on Buck. He didn't have a phone because of the wave, so Eddie hadn't spoken to him at all which was grating on his nerves. He missed him. He was also worried— he hated him being alone there.

Eddie was helping Chris out of the car to spend the evening with his Abuela, when his phone rang shrilly.

He smiled down at Chris, who took off toward the porch where Abuela was waiting, some of his normal enthusiasm finally showing, before finally answering.

"Hello, this is Eddie Diaz."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Diaz. This is Nurse Megan with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. I'm calling in regards to your partner, Evan Buckley." Eddie hummed, so she continued. "He made it clear on his discharge forms that he didn't have a phone at the moment, but he forgot the bag with his medications, so we thought we'd give you a call. You are listed as his emergency contact."

Eddie leaned back against the truck, confused. "When was he discharged? I'm sorry, I was at an appointment with our son and didn't realize he would be coming home today."

He could hear the clicking of her computer keys. "It looks like it's only been about two hours. I'm sorry if I ruined the surprise," she chuckled. "Will you be picking up his bag for him? He shouldn't drive on his medications."

"Yes, of course. I'll head there now." Eddie hung up with a sigh and ran a hand through his hair roughly. Why hadn't Buck called him? Eddie would have come for him in a heartbeat. Didn't he want them there with him?

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Buck leaned heavily on the elevator rail as it ascended to his apartment. He'd managed to convince the doctors to send him home less than two days after waking up, which was really only because they needed the space for other victims of the tsunami and that the staff thought he lived with his 'husband,' who would be keeping an eye on him. But he wasn't about to correct them and be forced to stay.

Thankfully, Carla picked him up from the hospital— no questions asked. He was surprised that he managed to convince her that he was okay to be by himself, though. It wasn't exactly a lie, but damn did his leg hurt, and his ribs still ached when he moved.

When he finally made it inside, he eyed the stairs warily before opting to curl up on the couch instead. He was exhausted, both from healing and from the nightmares that had interrupted his sleep the last two nights.

He tried to just shut everything out and finally sleep, but his mind wouldn't stop racing— flashes of the tsunami and Christopher filling his head every time he shut his eyes. He could hear Christopher screaming for him repeatedly, like a broken record. He couldn't help but wonder if Chris was okay— if he was having nightmares too, or if he had gone to the doctor. Not knowing was making him nervous.

Buck would just ask Eddie if everything was okay, if only he still had a phone.

Well, maybe.

He rolled over, hiding his face in the cushions and wincing slightly when his ribs flared.

Eddie hadn't tried to see him since he sent them home. He knew it was better that way— for everyone to be home where they belonged and not making themselves sick at his bedside. For Eddie and Chris to be home safe. But maybe Eddie had finally realized that the whole thing was Buck's fault. He had probably decided that Buck wasn't worth keeping around and would probably keep Chris as far away from him as possible, which wouldn't be hard since this was just another set of injuries keeping him from his family at the 118. They had stayed at the hospital, but only because he was dying. They didn't want him back— didn't need him.

Buck was alone again. First he lost the 118 and now Eddie and Chris. Would getting better even be worth it?

Notes:

So... This took forever. But the motivation gods finally gave me what I needed to finish this chapter.

Thank you a million percent to my lovely and brilliant Beta autumnchills. If you haven't checked out their fics, you should head that way!!

Thanks for being patient with me! Please let me know what you think.