Complicated Confessions (Tsukishima x Yamaguchi)

It's not true.

Sunday rolled around as lazily as Tsukishima did. He didn't feel like getting up, but the sun beaming in from his window and onto his face had other plans. He woke up annoyed, because he woke up with one thought on his mind: Yamaguchi.

He couldn't believe this was bothering him so much. It was... lame. He reached for his phone on the old, wooden bedside table. No new notifications. It was true that he didn't want any more messages from Yamaguchi, but, he almost felt disappointed.

He didn't know what to do. He scrolled through his messages. Was there anyone who knew what was going on? The only people he texted were Yamaguchi, his family (only if he really needed to), Kuroo, and Akaashi. Bokuto and Suga were also at the top of his notifications, but not because he ever texted them. They did enough talking for the both of them. He could bet a million dollars that Suga would have some advice, but he'd rather die than call him. Calling was lame. He clicked on his recent messages with his teammate.

The last thing Suga talked about was how to make his special healing tea, and Tsukishima couldn't have been less interested. He sent Suga a message, simply stating that he wanted advice on something. He didn't give any further context, in hopes of avoiding getting Suga over excited about his life.

His phone rang. He rubbed in temples in frustration, and answered the call.

"Tsukishima!!! What tragedy has happened that has forced you to willingly ask for help?!" It seems his plan to not overexcite Suga had failed.

"There's this feeling I'm having", he started.

Suga wasn't afraid to interrupt him, "Oh dear, the worst tragedy of all, Tsuki evolving to have emotion"

"Don't call me that"

"Sorry"

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. He thought back to Friday, and what Yamaguchi had told him. He explained his situation to Suga despite his dismay, surprisingly not receiving much more than an intrigued hum from the grey haired boy. "And ever since all that, my head has been hurting, and my chest as felt tight. How do I make it stop? Do you have a remedy for confusion?"

"Alas, I do not my blond baby."

"Don't call me that"

"Sorry. Anyway, I think I have an idea of what is going on here, but first, I have a question for you. What's the first thing you think about when you wake up?"

Tsukishima squinted his eyes at his phone, what did this have to do with physical side effects? "Uh, well the first thought is the crushing reality of being alive, and then after that I'd probably check my phone to see if Yamaguchi had texted me. He stays up later than I do. He usually sleeps at around 12, but if he has a test the next day he'll stay up until 1."

He heard a soft giggle come from the phone, and felt a tinge of annoyance. Suga took a breath before he gave Tsuki an answer, "Well, that certainly was specific. You even know his sleep schedules. I can't recall knowing Asahi's or Tanka's sleep schedules, and we're pretty close. I know your diagnosis, but I don't think you'll like the answer."

Tsuki almost felt like he knew. He ignored his thoughts, in hopes of Suga giving him a different answer, "Just say it."

"You're sick. LOVE-SICK!"

Tsukishima ended the call. He was not in love. Love was when a girl would shyly hand a letter to a boy behind the school. Love was rose petals and blushes. Love was something you felt with someone you first begin to know. Love wasn't something that came about years after knowing someone. Love wasn't a headache. Love wasn't a pain in his chest.

He thought back to all the times his parents would tell him he would one day find the girl of his dreams. How he would watch his bride walk down the isle in a beautiful white dress. How raising a child with the woman he loves would be one of the best feelings in his life. That was love.

Love wasn't guilt.

Yet, every time he thought of his friend, his heart would beat a little faster.

It's okay. This feeling would go away soon. Yamaguchi didn't even know what happened, and with time, he would forget too. He could live his life normally, with a woman.

But, was that what he really wanted?

A/N:
I would just like to give a PSA about that second last sentence. I know i used the word "normally" to describe a heterosexual relationship, but please know that being straight isn't the universal "normal". This is just to express the internalised homophobia in Tsukishima.

You are normal if you're straight.

You are normal if you're gay.

You are normal if you're part of the LGBTQ community. Never doubt that.