save him the world

august two-thousand-twenty.

its been a year,

precisely 369 days

and for some reason I still have you floating in my mind

and unfortunately,

my heart

I remember the day after we agreed to stop seeing each other,

contact essentially cut 

and here we were,

two-hundred miles apart and two halves of the same broken heart

I didn't get out of bed until 7pm

the sun was set

my stomach grumbled for hours 

the point the ache felt normal

I couldn't turn back from this storm,

the waves turning into a riptide

I stumbled out of bed,

into the fall chill and cold floors,

through the darkness,

into the closet

A glass bottle with my fingers swirled around,

there's a reason I won't touch whipped cream vodka again

half the bottle down

clambered back to bed,

a piece of bread as filler against the stomach acid bubbling below

more sleep,

hunkered over the toilet,

less sleep,

engulfing the trash can,

wide awake,

sad again,

or maybe empty (?)

I feel like I've known you before,

maybe a lifetime away

...maybe that's why I can't push you out of my head,

or my heart