Maybe This Is Love, |✔️

Chapter 19

Authors note- here you go! Another chapter for you guys. Please play the clip as you read, I quite like how the song flows with the chapter <3 what's been your favourite chapter so far?

Beaumont's quite a peaceful area when you think about it. Apart from the occasional petty crimes like robbery or vandalism, not much happens here. The trees are pretty nice and there are lots of parks that have great scenery to take pictures in but that's about it. There's not much depth to this town so no one can blame me for wanting to leave.

Pictures.

Whenever I think of pictures, I think of her. I can hardly hold my phone camera up without thinking about her.

I messed up. I messed up bad and I keep messing up.

I don't know why I keep doing these things to myself. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm a self-destructing ticking time bomb.

Mamma keeps stuffing me with food. She thinks that food would somehow make me feel better but now I just feel sick.
Sick of being sick.

"Chin up, amore mio." She smiles at me, trying to force a bowl of Panna cotta into my hands. "See, I made your favourite." The familiar Italian accent that she never managed to shake off makes me feel all warm inside.

I shake my head, gently. "I'm not hungry Mamma but thank you." I kiss her on her forehead and she ruffles my hair the way she always did when she wanted to tease me.

"You know, when you were a piccolo bambino, you had these big bluey-grey eyes that took over the whole of your little round face." She laughs to herself, the smile lines around her mouth deepening. "But Tesoro darling... I've never seen those eyes look sadder than they do now."

She leans across the counter her own brown eyes full of concern. I always noticed how much Rose looks like her. "What's going on? Is there something you want to tell me?"

I think about telling her how much I want to leave Beaumont. I want to tell her all about how I lost the girl of my dreams because the girl of my nightmares decided it was a wise idea to kiss me.

I want to tell her about how much I wanted to meet my father, just one last time before I finally leave for Uni.
I want to tell her about rejecting that scholarship in Italy but I was scared of leaving the one person I managed to fall for behind.
I want to tell her about this stupid philosophy about love I created all because of that man that's supposed to be my father.

I want to tell her how it messes me up inside and how I feel that someone like me didn't deserve to fall in love.

But all that came out was, "May I be excused, please?"

After a minute of watching me silently, she finally nods her head. I know she knows I'm not being completely honest with her but she doesn't push it. She never pushes it.

"I'll eat it." I smile, trying to appease her. I take the Panna cotta and jog up the stairs into my painting room. Normally, I don't eat up here but today I make an exception.

It's been a whole month and a half since I last spoke to Harley. I barely see her in school anymore and when I do she avoids all eye contact with me and walks in the opposite direction. I've tried calling, texting, emailing, even dropping little notes into her locker and letters at her front door. Every mode of communication you can think of, I've tried and failed. She just ignores every single attempt.

I haven't given up yet but I'm running out of ideas. I just want to prove to her how much she means to me.

It's almost Christmas and I've been working on this gift for her. All the rough drafts are scattered everywhere on the floor.