Won't Let Go

eight

Farhan stared at those pictures for the nth time that night. He could still picture all of those memories in his mind and that broke him beyond repairs. They were hanging in there for years now. What nobody knew was this house; which was gifted to him by his favourite maamu on his eighteenth birthday. He came here whenever he felt low or sad. And when his father kicked him out of their house, he had nowhere but here to come. It wasn't like he did not have money to buy another house, he can of course. But this one is his safe haven.

Looking at those pictures just made him realize what he has lost and it was an everyday reminder that Haya is not his anymore. He knew hanging them here was wrong, so wrong. But he couldn't get himself to remove those. It wasn't like he didn't try. He did. But failed many times.

His heart wasn't ready to let go of his past and this sudden marriage made him realize he's living in a bubble that can never be real.

And the look of hurt on Natasha's face has killed him for a moment. He felt bad for her, he really did. But he did ask her to say no to the wedding but she couldn't because of her parents and he couldn't because of his mother. It was the circumstances which have tied them both and there was no running back now.

But that doesn't give him the right to be rude to her, she was his best friend for goodness sake and she didn't deserve that.

He regretted his actions. He really did.

Making a mental note to apologize to her the first thing tomorrow, he closed his eyes and slipped into a deep slumber. It has been a long day after all.

The morning came rather very quickly and Farhan woke up smelling the aroma of something mouth watering lingering in the air. He was confused as to how could that be possible. He was a pathetic cook and hasn't eaten a proper breakfast for a while now.

Confused, he got up with a jerk and walked into the bathroom first, quickly after his morning routine he walked into the kitchen and was surprised to find Natasha, who was serving herself with something which looked really yummy.

Natasha became stiff at his arrival as she glanced at him for a mere second and then went back to ignore him.

It felt so weird to have her in his apartment. Even more weird to see her in his kitchen and making breakfast. But she was his wife now. He should get used to seeing her like this. That thought made him feel giddy unknowingly.

"You didn't have to do this," he said whilst standing there awkwardly.

"I wasn't doing this for you if that's what you're thinking." Natasha shrugged as she took the plate in her hands and went to sit on the dining table.

"Oh," is all he could say.

"You can eat that if you want, I won't mind and I really don't care even if you don't want to eat them," she said in a neutral voice as she saw him eyeing the breakfast; longingly. She knew how much he loved her cooking and she wasn't that heartless to deprive him of that.

"I was going to eat that anyway." he gave her a sheepish smile as he went and served himself the yummy looking semiya upma.

An involuntary smile appeared on her face at that, which she hides quickly.

They ate their breakfast in silence without uttering any other word, with him sitting across her and savouring the breakfast happily. It has been so long. He didn't eat a proper breakfast after his return to India, which was months ago and this made him realize how much he has missed her cooking.

She was an amazing cook. No one can beat her in that, except Haya maybe. She was a wonderful cook herself.

Stop thinking about Haya. His mind screamed at him and he remembered what he wanted to say to her, which made him clear his throat.

"Natasha..." she froze at his soft voice which sounded like he was sorry. Both of them stopped their eating as they stared at each other's face; one with nervousness and one with confusion.

"About last night...," "look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"I know that I've been a jerk yesterday, I was beyond frustrated and then when you asked me to remove those, I reacted stupidly. I'm sorry, I really am."

"Okay." is she all said and he stared back at her blankly.

"You were a jerk and I'm glad you know that."

She then went back to eating her breakfast whilst continuing to ignore him.

Farhan did not know what else to say. She was confusing him like crazy and that was starting to drive him insane. She was not like this before. Definitely not and the new her was not his favourite person anymore.

No other words were spoken after that.

Their silence was broken by her phone which started ringing loudly, Arsalaan in capitals flashed on her screen. A small smile appears on her face as she answered his call.

"Hello, Arsalaan. Yes. I'll be coming after the first break today, pakka. Yes. Yes. Don't worry. I wrote yours too. Will see you in the uni then." she hung up the call with a wide smile this time. That Arsalaan has been an absolute cold-hearted jerk to everyone else except his group of friends, which she is a part of now.

Yes, she made friends and the credit goes to the one and only Arsalaan Baig, to the world he was a rude fellow but inside him, there lives a softie which only she has seen. She understood a lot about him in just a few days of knowing him and that proved how good of friends they've become.

"So you made new friends now?" Farhan asked, almost sounding like he was jealous. But that sounded absurd, so she let it slip.

"You want me to be a loner or what?" she answered coldly whilst scowling at him.

"Jeez. That was a simple question. Why are so irritated?"

She chose to ignore that.

"This guy Arsalaan, is he the one who you told about yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" she was genuinely confused now.

"The one you loved?" he himself doubted that question but asked anyway.

"No." she grimaced at that thought.

"Who?" she cuts him off with a glare, "I'm not comfortable in sharing that. Don't bother asking."

"And Arsalaan is just my friend. No one else. Unlike you I'm a loyal person even if the opposite person did not deserve it." she told in a rude tone and got up from her seat with her empty plate and goes to wash it in the sink.

"I would never cheat on you, Natasha... Physically? Heck no. Mentally is out of my control." Farhan felt so bad that she even thought of him that way, he'd never do that to her.

"I hope you won't." she didn't sound so assured and that made him want to scream in frustration.

"Of course, I won't."

"Okay."

Natasha knew too well that he wouldn't do that to her, at least that much she knows about him. But lately, it felt like she didn't know him at all.

All she could hope now is, for him to move on and accept the reality. Nothing more or nothing less.