Kids These Days

Chapter 14: Becca

"One day, Rachel approached me with an offer. I was twenty-two, in my third year of nursing school, and she had just celebrated her twenty-first birthday in Los Angeles, or San Diego, or Santa Barbara - Rachel hated Dusty Valley, she called it a 'ghost town in the making' and spent a majority of her teenage years running away with friends - but I'm getting off track. Rachel said that she had finally figured out how to - how did she phrase it? Oh, I remember. She told me she knew how to 'unlock our destinies', and if I wanted to ascend with her, I would have to make a sacrifice of equal worth.

"I'll admit, I was intrigued. Our family has a... history, let's call it, with the mystical arts. My mother sold hand-painted tarot cards. Our grandmother - she crossed the border during the Porfiriato, I believe - was a renowned yerbera who could treat the most difficult pregnancy. Anyway, let's just say that I wasn't surprised by Rachel's offer.

"I asked her what I needed to sacrifice. As much as I loved my sister, her ambition frightened me, and I didn't want to agree to one of her convoluted plans without learning what I was getting myself into first. She said she didn't know, and that my sacrifice was up to me. That concerned me. There was a feverish glint to her eyes - when she said sacrifice, I knew she meant it. And I knew she already had one in mind. So I asked her, what was she going to sacrifice? Rachel just laughed. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"I'm going to brew some more tea," Finn says abruptly. He rises to his feet, grabbing the tea kettle and disappearing into the kitchen.

I don't think the kettle was even half empty. Still, if Finn - or Leigh, or whatever - doesn't want to stick around to hear the end of Dolores' morbid story, I don't blame him. The old woman unsettles me. I can tell she knows more than she's letting on.

"Please excuse Leigh," says Dolores, smoothing out the collection of magazines on the coffee table. She flips briefly through the coupon pages, ripping out a 10% discount at Alpha Beta before reclining in her rocking chair, the bowed wood creaking under the strain. "The next part of my story is hard for her to hear."

It's the third time Dolores has referred to Finn as Leigh. Her sister, if she's telling the truth. I should probably be more worried. But possessions are out of my league, and Finn... I don't want to think about Finn. I don't want to think about last summer. That's how I got through senior year - by not thinking. I ignored the judgemental looks in the hallway, and the graffiti in the bathroom stalls, and when Santy tried to start a fight with me at lunch, I picked up my tray and left. I didn't even go to graduation. My Abuela was in the hospital, and I refused to leave her side, so the school mailed me my diploma.

I remember one night, when I was driving home from the hospital, I got stuck at a red light on the intersection of Main and Third. Main is a busy road, so the light always takes forever to turn - I think I timed it once. It was late, and there wasn't a lot of traffic, so I closed my eyes for a moment. Then I heard someone honk, and I glanced at the clock on the dash and saw that thirty minutes had passed. Just like that. I'd been sitting at the intersection for half an hour, letting the light turn green and then red again, while the other cars flowed around me like water in a stream. I hadn't fallen asleep. I had just... left.

That's how I feel when I look at Finn. I feel like I'm stuck at the red light, and time is slipping away from me, and the only thing I can do is close my eyes and pretend like it isn't happening. I tell myself not to think. I try to let my brain wander somewhere else. But every time I see his face, I can't help but return to that lonely, pebble beach by the lake.

I wonder if I could heal Finn now. I put him back together once before, I could probably do it again. If I fixed Finn, would Ronan forgive me? I don't know if I need his forgiveness. I don't know if Finn needs to be saved.