August 20 1992
Push! Push!! Push!!!!
Arghhh!!!!!!!
Push! Push! Push!
Ahhhhh!!! As the midwives clean my head and keep urging me to push.
Pushhhh!!!!!!!! I can see the head.
As soon as I hear that I am overjoyed but sad at the same time as this is not how I dreamed of bringing my child into the world.
I keep pushing but I can not help but also think of all the mistakes that has led me to where I am now. (Cries of a baby) I come back to reality when I hear her cry and I want to hold her but I prefer not to so I turn my head the other way while telling the midwives to give her to her father as I am tired now.
They urge me to at least touch her once but I pretend to be asleep as I close my eyes because I am scared if I hold her tiny body against mine even once I might never let her go, which I have to for her sake and mine. I am already attached as it is and I would not want the bond to be stronger.
I hear the midwives leave with Bree in their arms still refusing to open my eyes so that they don't doubt am sleeping. As I hear the doors close, I open my eyes and let the tears flow. I cry my heart out and shed tears because I wouldn't get to fulfill all my dreams I had held within me since I was a child. Unlike most girls marriage wasn't a priority for me but childbirth was the first and most important, I wanted to have children so we could dress alike, play in the garden a lot, I would to talk to her, share secrets, read her favorite bedtime stories to her at night, take care of her when she was sick, walk her to and from school, talk about the new things she learns, chat with her, dress her for her first date, prom, comfort her during her first heartbreak and be her best friend all her life. But now all those dreams I can fulfill because I can't let her suffer in this world l belong to as long as I can remember. My Bree is everything good in me and I want her to stay safe happy and sheltered even if I have to let her go for now I would rather than put a target on her back.
Bree (sighs)
Flashback
I remember when I choose that name for my princess she was only about 4 month in my belly when Tyler her father and I were enjoying our little world we escaped to or more or less I escaped to.
It was a the beginning of spring I was feeling quite giddy and happy for reasons I couldn't understand and I kept mentioning the name Brielle during all the cleaning, Tyler was confused and asked who I was talking to as we were the only two in the cabin out in the woods away from civilization and my family. I kept touching my stomach and mentioning the name and then during lunch I said Brielle do u like what daddy is making and Tyler walking in then said so you are referring to the baby as my hand never left my little bump. We spoke of what we wanted our child to be a girl or a boy and both shockingly wanted a girl I was so happy I started calling my baby Bree since. Tyler and I would weave,knit,and even sow Bree on all her clothing items we even costumized a few other items with Bree on them in anticipation and made a lot of dreams.
Present
Now only he will enjoy all those things with her and I still do not know how to convince him to go with her and never return until I come for them because up until now he still does not have any idea who I am or who she truely is or what dark secrets clouds our past.
