Catfish Waterdancer

Thanks to your support, "The Summer I Really Didn't Kidnap Lance Hardwood" made it to the ONC2024's Shortlist! Go Team Pete! Here's another excerpt. They've just escaped from Las Vegas' Bellagio:
          
          "As we climbed the banks onto the sidewalk, a beat-up wood-paneled station wagon pulled up in front of us and gave a series of honks that sounded like a goose undergoing a transformation into foie gras without first being killed. There was a nun in the driver's seat. The window lowered, and Scarlet's voice screamed, "Get in now! Put on these habits and keep low, like you're praying for release from this city of sin!"
          
          She got one look at Thunder and waved her hand in front of her chest. "You too, you incredible hunk, you!"
          
          Thunder stood there, looking perplexed. "Okay! I'm done with the Corps. I came to Vegas for a little fun. And this morning's been a real rollercoaster ride! What do you need me to do?"
          
          "Well now," she chirped, "We have Peter's brains, we have my beauty, and now we have your brawn. And brains, and your..."
          
          "Body?" He said, flexing his biceps. Scarlet was enjoying this. So, truth be told, was I.
          
          "What..." groaned Lance, "What just happened?"
          
          I held my temper and my tongue. "We were just discussing whether we should dismember you now or wait until we get to Yosemite National Park so we can leave your remains for the bears. No! You don't get to ask questions. You are going to tell us all what happened between the time you went to sleep, and the time we found you wrestling in mud under the name Sir Lancelot. After what all of us have just been through, you owe us that!"
          
          He sighed. "It started when my pajamas slipped off..."

Never piss off a Librarian - especially Fluffy! From "The Intergalactic Watchers of Dangerous Things":
          
          "They did WHAT?" yelled the Fylnurjii. "I knew they were bad to the vein when their recruits yanked me out of my home, and when I said I'd file a complaint, they vaporized my little rock finger."
          
          "And you say no one died?" asked Denise, whose wound was healing nicely.
          
          "They're all fine, thanks," I replied. "Now..."
          
          "The kittens too?" Indigo interjected. "I like kittens, and they like me."
          
          "Could be your shell's smell, huh?" twittered the Gradient.
          
          I smiled. It's the little magic things that bring the most joy, after all. "Ask them yourself." I shook my rabbit pelt vigorously, and they popped out, making a beeline for Indigo Bisque. He squealed, happier than a six-year-old with a bag of All Hallow's Eve candy.
          
          The lion moles, whose collective name was Roars-Through-The-Dirt, asked, "We're confused. How can a familiar have familiars of its own?"
          
          I told them that was a good question, one I'd have to ask the goddess. "How many high-level OSSS officials work here in London?"
          
          "I dunno," Bisque said. "Maybe one hundred or so?"
          
          "Are they all bad? Has any one of them been nice to you?"
          
          The Fylnurjii rumbled, "Ms. Berith made sure Flutter Wings had the right food to eat."
          
          "Good. Now, because they think we witches are dead, they're going to declare themselves the winners of tomorrow's match..."
          
          "I though they called it off!" Denise cried.
          
          "They didn't. They brought in another team. But we witches will be there. That's where you all come in. We'd like you to represent us. Denise, I want to take your place. You're not fully healed yet, and you need your rest."
          
          "I've played with worse injuries, but okay." She smiled sweetly.
          
          "Now, Roars-Through-The-Dirt, I want you to show me where the gearboxes and wire power sources are for all the stadium deathball mechanisms. Can we do that now, without being noticed?"
          
          "Hah," they snorted, "Piece of Turnip Cake!"

From "Liar, Lover, Lunatic" - Our boyo Oisin is on the prowl for Norman, the Eager Reaper:
          
          I didn't know diddly about the supernatural before I became part of it. Well, I did watch the TV show but honestly, who paid attention to the plots? I just wanted to let my imagination run wild with Dean and Sam. Anyway, I figured one of the places Reapers would hang out would be a hospital. And I happened to know someone who worked at one.
          
          My still-living lover, Giovanni Mozzarugala. Everything a gay man could want in a 5'10" dark-haired, 29-year-old hairy Italian heart specialist. Soft-spoken, sweet, attentive...also hyper-critical, tightly-wound, anal retentive, Roman Catholic, often self-hating gay scion of a Mafia family.
          
          While ghost-walking the halls of Mount Sinai, I caught sight of a reaper leaning against a wall, smoking a Virginia Slims. I approached slowly, until a face materialized, and I was waved over.
          
          "A female Grim Reaper!" I gasped. She laughed; whiskey voiced.
          
          "A gay Irishman caught in Limbo! How often do you encounter that? Let me guess, you're a playwright or a writer!"
          
          We both laughed. "Oisin O'Malley, milady. Forgive me."
          
          "Leanan Hansenello. Ah, don't bother. Everyone's surprised! Ruthie G. wasn't, though. We had some laughs before I took her to the big courthouse in the sky. So... you're the O'Malley boy. You're the talk of our town, kiddo. I won't tell nobody I saws you, okay?"

From "The Summer I Really Didn't Kill Lance Hardwood" - profile of an "Extreme Lancer" fan"
          
          "Where do I start with Trina?" he began. "She was reading bedtime stories to herself by the time she was 4 years old. She was frail at birth, but when she grew a little older, she watched and followed the daytime exercise shows with mom, mastering routines that our mother couldn't. She excelled at school academics. Hell, at 12 she was better than I ever was at science and math. She had one weakness, though."
          
          "Let me guess. Pokemon?" offered Lance.
          
          Derek frowned. "You, you idiot. From your first appearance as Biff Barkley, through those sappy 'Middle School Musicals' and especially as Dino Dude in Prehistoric Prepubescent Squad, she was your Numero Uno Stan. She created the Lan Fans, your first fan club. But the depth of her devotion to you scared away lots of the normal ones, who formed their own groups. She finally created the Extreme Lancers, whose motto is "Do him or die!"
          
          "One year, she painted an enormous portrait of your face on her room's ceiling. Your face was the first thing she saw waking up, and the last thing before she went to sleep."

From "Liar, Lover, Lunatic"
          
          "The light in heaven dimmed, Archangel Michael's voice bellowed dramatically and said, "Tsukiyomi, Moon God, I banish thee from this realm!"
          
          We were back in front of Padraic's house. In the middle of traffic. I tried to yank him out of the way of an oncoming taxi but remembered that I was non-corporeal. The guy stepped on his brakes, but got close enough to knock Tsuki down, the bumper tearing through his silk and leaving a flesh wound that began bleeding.
          
          This is New York, so the driver is shouting, the passersby are live streaming, the witnesses are writing things down and poor Tsukiyomi is finding out what blood and wounds feel like. And now I'm an Irish American ghost, with a Japanese God who's now mortal, on the prowl to find a Grim Reaper named Norman. This is fine."

From "The Intergalactic Watchers of Dangerous Things":
          
          Because I didn't need a long decompression time to recover from multi-dimensional travel, I was escorted into Eliza's office before any of the others. Holly paused before opening the door.
          
          "She was brought back in chains," she whispered, "Escorted by Bluggburble the 78th Prince of Antares 43, son of King Qlbinkus the Third. He's waiting with six guards, to give you the Intergalactic Society's instructions for punishing West Throckmorton Library... Fluffy where...oh my Goddesses!"
          
          That was the last straw for me. I merged into the wall, knowing that I'd have to reveal that secret sooner or later. One look at Eliza was all the motivation I needed. Her nose was broken, the skin ripped off the backs of her hands and the right side of her mouth was torn open.
          
          I ate the six guards in three seconds, folded space and cast the overly dressed fop of a prince – the sort of creature you'd get if you put a squid and a praying mantis in a food processor, set it to low for 2 pulses and poured the results into a flimsy mismatched skeleton - and I dropped him over the OSSS HQ. Gently, mind you. In a very civilized manner. Maybe he was missing a proboscis or two.

The last 5 chapters are up, bringing "Liar, Lover, Lunatic" to a close. I didn't think I could write 3 stories for ONC. This one was a surprise, choosing 3 prompts and rolling them into this strange journey - the most challenging one. https://www.wattpad.com/1442335825-liar-lover-lunatic-onc2024-16-flesh-and-blood

The final 3 parts of "The Intergalactic Watchers of Dangerous Things" have been posted! Fluffy thanks everyone for hopping along with him through multiple dimensions! https://www.wattpad.com/1441860855-the-intergalactic-watchers-of-dangerous-things-onc

The OSSS and the ICW find themselves in serious trouble - nothing too worrisome though. Evil is like fleas - just when you think it's gone, it bites. The acolytes choose familiars, Hecate herself attends graduation, and the bad guys send a message of their own. An explosive new chapter of "The Intergalactic Watchers of Dangerous Things." https://www.wattpad.com/1441626216-the-intergalactic-watchers-of-dangerous-things-onc

"Don't judge a book by its cover" - a saying with great meaning for Librarians and Watchers of Dangerous Things. "Know thy enemy" is another pearl of wisdom. Fluffy learns the meaning of both in the new chapter of "The Intergalactic Watchers of Dangerous Things." https://www.wattpad.com/1441395905-the-intergalactic-watchers-of-dangerous-things-onc