Esoteric
/ˌɛsəˈtɛrɪk,ˌiːsəˈtɛrɪk/ 
adjective
intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest:- Oxford English Dictionary.

"I am COMPELLED by... esotericism to learn, and try, to understand wisdom therein to view our universal reality in different lights."