😶‍🌫️

Darling you are only a tangent of me 

I can marvel at the newfound space in my body like I would at blown glass
          
          The so-called empty is luminous, and languid I find spots to curl into 

Was every day Groundhog Day with me?

"What makes loneliness so unbearable is the loss of one’s own self which can be realised in solitude..."

...I feel so energetically flossed and frazzled and apathetic. But how beautiful it's becoming in the moments when dawn breaks for me, brief as they may be. How I have more of a place in these moments these days. 

Baby's eyes clouded already
          I was born tired, so I unravel primordially
          Now I flounder in infantile entropy

what can i do except move through it
          to sit with the terror of flourishing
          to find my feathers and accept each imprint
          meet your gaze with all of my uncertainty 

There's literally no fight in my muscle memory 

tapestry of lines / rough draft
          
          you are enough without all of that;
          i am so profoundly tired, just want to be still;
          to be the sun for you to bask in;
          to conjure up warmth and let you unfold;
          the hollowness of sober conversation;
          the autistic drag, the pits i carry;
          how hard it is to channel joy, surrender to it;
          the desire to move through it all, take on different shapes;
          to imbue whoever i cross with a new lens;
          to be like water, manifest nurture;
          how willingly i was uprooted, imprinted onto the thrill of you;
          how deeply i wanted to fix you, become a jest of a nurturer;
          how i con myself into wanting;
          how expanding myself feels futile again, because nothing is ever enough;
          how i crashed like a kaleidoscope breaking;
          how harsh the sun and the stillness always feel;
          how i waste my youth weeping in a vacuum;
          how i trip up over and over the recursion;

I've felt so free, as I knew I would