"I was sick of letting the world run me so I decided to run the world."
~~~
Isabelle Cane was taken from her family at 6 months old, leaving behind 7 older brothers and a twin sister. In the 12 years she's been away, Izzy has faced hardships no chi...
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When I was little, I used to think about running away all the time. Just to say I did it. I didn't want to die or anything, I just kind of wanted someone to think I could. Someone to hold me a little tighter when I came home at night, and say they were worried about me.
And more than once, I almost did. But every time, I would step out into the living room of our tiny, smelly apartment, and I would see my mom drunk or high passed out on the couch and I would be reminded all over again. No one would care. No one would hold me closer. No one would say they were worried.
Because it simply wouldn't be true. Those memories are some of the bitterest of my childhood. The ones that made me question why I even existed. The ones that taught me all the truths about the world. Truths like things happen for a reason. And not always a good one.
Logan had taken me here, to this quiet, sweet little apartment for a reason. The reason being the rest of our family and how they treated me. I felt like I had been in a daze since Tyler told me and Emma to go upstairs. I was barely aware of what had happened on the drive over, or directly after we came here. It was like I was here, but I wasn't. Like physically, my body was moving towards something but my soul had gotten left behind somewhere dark and awful. I had forced down a few bites of pasta in silence when Teo, Logan's boyfriend, invited us in but quickly I felt too full to eat much else.
Teo was nice. He looked at me with the same sad eyes as Logan did, but I couldn't bring myself to mind. It was human nature to pity those who are smaller than us in ways we don't even realize. I took a shower after I ate. I didn't feel the water against my skin. I felt utterly numb. So much so, that I didn't even notice the water getting so hot it left a patch of red, splotchy skin on my back until I saw the mark in the mirror.
I didn't say much to Logan or Teo after I got out. They had been talking to each other in hushed whispers all night. I didn't care enough to wonder what they were saying, to be honest. I felt so empty right now. I was emotionally exhausted in ways I had never been before. It hurt. Everything hurt. And what hurt worse, was the realization of how long I'd been hurting. Years. Years and years. My whole life it seemed. And god, being numb and hollow was so much worse than feeling everything. Or maybe it wasn't. I couldn't decide which hurt worse. Nothing, or everything.
I liked the view from the bedroom Teo had told me was mine for the time being. I could see all of Harlen from here. It was a busier city. Not like Brinley at all. This city didn't feel like home. Brinley, even in the darkest places, was home. I never thought I'd miss it so much. Never thought I'd ache to go back to that dirty little apartment, with its wine-stained walls and my drugged-up mother. It was wrong and awful. But it was home.
I vaguely heard the door open behind me. I didn't move. I knew it was Logan. Teo wouldn't come in without knocking first. But maybe he did knock. I wouldn't have heard it anyway. There's no sound in this dark world of mine. There's nothing here. And it is terrifying. I felt the bed dip down. My eyes remained glued to the city.
