When I Adored You (Bad Desires #1)

14

As the clock struck three am and James laid down in his bed, his arm covering his eyes to try and block every little thing that had parted him from Kara three years ago. It was like a faint dream that came and went away, but that was the only thing that had kept him from going near her when she had needed him the most.

The whole family had been devasted when the accident had happened. Each one of them were buried in grief, everyone trying to cope with the sadness as much as they could on their own or with the support of someone else. 

But then after bringing Kara back to the hospital, James' father had immediately sent him to clear up the business that Kara's parents had left behind. It would not have taken the company even a day to turn the tables around and give the whole business to someone else, so they needed to take action before the other investors could intervene. 

His father had to be at home for the family, and Damon had never learned anything about business. The only option had been to send James. He was not ready to leave Kara in such a state alone, but his mind knew that it was for her good that he had to go and handle everything.

It was a choice between emotions and rationality. He had chosen the latter.

The meetings and shifting of business name to Kara had went on day and night, he did not have enough time to even have food. All he wanted to do was go back to her. So he did not pay attention to clock, ignored to make any call to her, and did not inform her where he had disappeared all of a sudden. His full attention was buried in the fact that as soon as he could finish the work, he will be able to go back home. But then in his urgency to go back to her, he also forgot that the time he was losing, was the time when she had needed him the most.

One day had turned to three and then more without even his realization. And then when he had come back, he found he had no way of getting in touch with her because she had blocked him out of her life completely. It would not have been hard for him to investigate her whereabouts, and then catch a plane to go see her. But he had thought she will come back to him, like she always did when they fought or had a disagreement. She always stayed near, she cared about him in times when no one else did, it was her instinct to be with him. 

Maybe that was the mistake he had made. Instead of going after her, he had decided to wait. To think that she will come back on her own when she is ready and it will be like before, without any issues, any misunderstanding. Just the same like it had always been.

But it was not the same now. She was not the same and the situation had changed.  He did not have much time to make her come back to him. 

*****

As the cold wind blew in the air, flowing the dust along with the color in Kara's eyes, tears slipped out on her cheeks. The event of the party for her coming back home had started. They had decided to keep a party where everyone was allowed to play with natural colors and rub on each other's cheeks and clothes. There was food and snacks everywhere along with non alcoholic drinks. 

There were friends and family who had gotten invited to the party. As the color fell in Kara's eyes, she tried to shut them and rub her hands over them to remove the color. 

"Stop doing that." she heard James' voice before his hand grabbed hers and pulled her out of the house towards a secluded place. No one noticed as the slipped out because the house was already brimming with people covered in various colors.

"Where are you taking me? My eyes are burning." Kara said over the music to let him hear.

"Give me a second," James said before he grabbed a bottle and poured in his palm.  Engulfing her face in his hand, he poured it over her eyes and wiped it with his thumb to get the color out.

And then as the realization hit her when she saw a smirk playing on James' face. His body smack against hers while his face lingered merely an inch away from hers. Kara tried to step back away from him but he grabbed her waist, pulling her against his body closely. Her open hair fell on her face, covering her cheeks. James put his fingers in the side of her ear and tugged the fallen traces behind her ear before slipping his hand down to cup her face.

"I missed your scent," he murmured.

Giving him a meek, small smile Kara tried to appear indifferent to his words, "it's okay. You will soon get used to someone else's scent in the future."

"I don't think I will."

Kara's eyes slipped up to glance in his eyes, "why?"

"You know I don't have enough feelings to go around investing in other people." he bent his head down to touch hers, "you have always been my everything, Kara."

Kara's eyes dropped from his eyes to his lips that were almost touching hers. The secluded place that was between two walls hid them completely from other people. It was too hard not to feel her heart throb violently when he was almost a breath away from kissing her.

"Things change." she met her gaze again and said softly, "it was not the same three years ago I guess."

James's arm tightened around her waist pulling her closer, "do you really think so, Kara?"

Kara could not answer the question. She knew the answer but it was not right for her to say it aloud because then it would be like betraying the pain she had endured for three years without him. It was never easy for her. But it could have been for James.

James' thumb caressed her cheek gently, "I committed a mistake and you punished me for that by going away from me. In all these years, I know you have suffered through more anguish than me, but can't you let me through again?"

"You could have done the same thing three years ago." Kara grabbed his hand to try to remove it, "you never gave me an explanation, never told me where you disappeared. You were not there for me when I needed you the most, James! Are you expecting me to turn around and forget everything in a blink and with a smile?"

"I wanted to." James's voice dipped low, "There was an emptiness inside me since the moment you were not in front of me. Every fucking place I looked, I wanted to see your face. I looked for you everywhere. I searched for you madly before I gave up."

"But not enough to find me..." Kara spoke through a choked throat. It was suddenly getting harder to breathe. And it was probably because she was trying so hard not to cry.