rich man's world; charlie dalton

[nineteen] for the actors

I used to know the way my life was going to unravel.

I knew that the rest of my education was going to come to an end, I knew that I'd eventually get married, be unhappy with my husband. I knew I was going to prefer pets over children but I'd still have children to show my worth as a wife. I knew all of that, I hated it all but I knew.

Love has always been this thing in my head that unattainable. Which is why I fear it. I fear that I let myself be persuaded by the idea of love instead of feeling it course through my veins when I'm around someone. I fear that in a few years the puppy love will go away and I'll be some discarded person at the bottom of the trashcan with kids and no more motivation to do the things that keep me alive.

People live for love, and my fear is keeping me from wanting to live.

My fear to choose is much different. It's much worse. Like a monster guarding my heart I can't get through no matter how hard I try.

Between the melodramatic arguing, chasing, and packing things in case she'd suddenly get an adrenaline rush for the hills.

It was difficult. Deciding. Making that pros and cons list was insensitive, it tore them apart from being human. Thinking of all the good moments she overlooked the bad, and having emotions decide just made her remember the barrier broken.

"I really need help," she whispered before face planting onto a pillow. Todd and Stephen had heard her from the bottom bunk, they had gotten back from a soccer game and were currently taking off their wraps to get ready for a shower. "What with?" Stephen said, almost carelessly, while folding his wrap carefully into a circle.

"Boys, homework, I don't know....setting myself on fire," she groaned as she turned to face the roof. She held her hands over her stomach for comfort. She'd eaten too much at lunch she felt her food baby and nearly went nauseous at the thought of how much sauce was on the spaghetti, "It doesn't make sense."

"How come?" Stephen helped Todd who was struggling to balance on one leg.

"Is it this whole Charlie thing again?" Todd rolled her eyes, Stephen playfully pinched his side to get him to quiet down.

"The Charlie Thing," all of them echoed like it was a historical event. They made ghost noises as they repeated the same phrase a couple more times.

She scoffed, "Don't make fun of me, this is serious."

"Oh we know," Todd giggled, "C'mon then, we'll make a circle on the floor like we're a cult and talk about it."

"No."

"Fine, then you won't get any help."

It was silent for a couple seconds before she threw one of the pillows she didn't use to sit down. "Fine, but promise not to make fun of me at all and that you won't get too close to me because you're too sweaty! I need some serious advice and you all struggle to sound like you care," she went down the ladder then pulled on the boys legs to sit on the floor.

"Ok, maybe not sitting down on the floor. Can we stay here? I'm really sore," Stephen pouted at Sigrid in an attempt to convince her. "I'll never forgive you if you if my knee pops out of place for attempting to kneel."

Sigrid looked over at Todd, she threw her pillow down reluctantly. "Whatever."

"We appreciate you," Stephen mumbled,

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"Anyways!" Sigrid butted in, "I need to make a decision. And quickly. Before he slides off my hands like sand and I need to settle for the Elvis impersonator in front of Bloomingdales."