the theory of relativity | heehoon

eleven.

There are two types of night Heeseung faces in the days to come; ones where he doesn't remember, and ones where he remembers too much. Burying himself with work is the easiest distraction he has at his disposal, but as the nights of burnout catch up to him he supposes even distraction can't be relied upon for too long.

It's late enough that the dormitory block is silent. Students from the Music faculty disregard the dorm regulations on volume control regularly enough that there is rarely any quiet before the early hours of the morning arrive, but these days Heeseung has found himself surrounded by too much silence just a tad bit too often.

"Do you think this was fated? All of this. Do you think we were fated?"

"I don't like to believe in fate, we did this. Let's not let some omnipotent destiny take credit for what we've worked for."

Heeseung knows Sunghoon doesn't believe in destiny, but just for that night he wishes with all his heart that fate exists in this world. Because if it doesn't, all it means is that losing Sunghoon was his own doing, and he doesn't know if he can bear to think that.

It seems that tears are his only regular bedtime companion, as of late.

He makes up his mind, then, in the dead of night in his room, as the tears overflow and everything else in his mind drowns itself into nothingness.

I'm so tired.

He wonders if he should bother thinking about where everything went wrong, but he's too drained to put himself through this hell again tonight, as he has done every single night before this.

Everything will have its end, and that's okay.

It's not okay, but he's too exhausted to hold on anymore. As much as he refuses to think about letting go, he knows he's killing himself slowly waiting and waiting for something that'll never come.

As he slips into a fitful slumber that night he dreams of a train, running along a track alone in the snow. 

"Because there is something, and there is nothing, there is nothing in between

And in my eyes there is a tiny dancer watching over me, singing

He's a, he's an angel, and I am just a boy

Singing, he's a, he's an angel

And I am just a line without a-"