3 - Where I sleep

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"See, the times are changing, I'm sure of nothing that I know. Except this is us, this is love, and this is where I'm home."  —Emeli Sandé, Where I Sleep

"  —Emeli Sandé, Where I Sleep

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Tuesday, April 16th, 2013

11:27 PM

"Your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Okay, I'm choosing Truth this time. The hot sauce you made me chug hasn't even gone down my esophagus yet," I whined.

"Such a drama queen," he mumbled with a smile. "But okay." Noah ruffled his hair. "Tell me one of your controversial takes on life."

I was doing a PowerPoint for my group assignment when Noah called me out of the blue. After his little confession, two days prior, we got rid of our good old routine and started winging it. 

Something seemed to have shifted, and the dynamic of our relationship changed for the better. We started demanding more from each other—more time, more attention, more information. He wanted to know everything there was about me, and I expected the same from him.

He had FaceTimed me the other night too, and we had talked for hours about the most random things. We talked about how our lives were before we stumbled into each other, and how many boyfriends I'd had, which he kept on asking me incessantly despite me telling him over and over again that I had never had one. He felt like I was omitting the truth because I had shared too many break-up quotes on Facebook during my high school years that screamed otherwise. 

I was a teenager. Of course, I shared sad songs like I knew what heartbreak was. That was what teenagers did. That was our trademark—relating to songs we had no business listening to in the first place.

I didn't think we were going to video chat for three nights in a row, but there we were, staring at each other through our phone screens.

"Hmm, let's see... I don't see myself getting married and having kids. Is that controversial enough?" I confessed after thinking through it for a while. 

I didn't know if that was the type of controversy he was looking for, but that was as scandalous as my views got. I have had people ask me that same question, and I have given them the same answer. Most, if not all of them, just looked at me like I was talking blasphemy. They would tell me I'd change my mind soon or that our purpose as humans is to procreate, or my personal favorite, you're a crazy feminazi

None of them were able to successfully bully me into their herd mentality, though. I knew what I wanted, and Marriage and kids were not on the list. I wasn't planning on becoming a wife or a mother. Not anytime soon, not ever. It was about time he knew my deepest darkest secrets.

"Ever?" he asked, rather disturbed.

Suddenly, I had a nervous stomach.

There you go, you ruined it, a voice in my head berated.

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