Secret Lovers

Truth of Avoidance

Ben was walking around pissed off and irritated. He was snapping at his residents so they knew something was wrong  because he was usually one of the nicer attendings.

"Something has doctor Warren ticked off. He snapped at me while I was presenting this morning and I'm usually his favorite," a resident said.

Ben was walking by and overheard what the resident said. He rub his hand over his head and blew his breath. He and Miranda hadn't spoken in over a week because she seemed to be avoiding him. He kept going over what he could've possibly done wrong to make her do that.

After the day she came over she wouldn't answer his text messages and she wasn't in the cafeteria at their normal time. When he would go look for her in the lab she wouldn't be there either. He knew nothing bad was wrong with her because he would see her name up on the O.R board.

He just wanted to know what was wrong. Ben was standing in the large breeze way talking to a fellow physician when Miranda walked pass him like he didn't exist. He stopped and took her in, her short and curvy stature always captivated him. She had her stern, authoritative yet confident face on that usually deterred people but he knew it was just a mask.

"He man can we continue this conversation later?" Ben said to the physician before taking off to he follow Miranda.

Miranda walked into her office and closed the door. She had put the gene sequences she needed to look over on a disc so that she could just look at it in her office. She'd been avoiding Ben so that she could get her feelings for him under control. She knew he was mad because he text her and told her to stop being childish and just talk to him. But she couldn't and even with her avoiding him it felt like her feelings grew stronger. She just wanted to see him, hold his hand and kiss his cheek like she did that day. She wanted to feel his arm wrapped around her again.

She'd been trying to be more intimate with Tucker so that she could get Ben out of her head. She and Tucker never cuddled unless it was after sex and that usually didn't last long. Ben's arm being loosely wrapped around her waist that day or when he sometimes would come behind her and grab her waist made her feel cared for and desired even if he didn't feel the same.

When she and Tucker had sex the other night she actually came for the first time without being on top because she imagined that she was with Ben. Even though she and Ben had never had sex or even had conversations that alluded to it, she just knew that if they did she wouldn't struggle with cumming like she did with Tucker.

Ben stood outside of her office trying to get himself together. It was frustrating because he was mad at her but wanted to be around her at the same time. He knocked on her office door and waited for her to address him.

Miranda sat at her desk going through more gene sequences when there was a knock on her door.

"Come in," Miranda said.

Ben walked in and stood there with his arms crossed as he stared her down. Miranda continued to look at her computer as if Ben wasn't there but the tension was too heavy.

"How may I help you Dr. Warren?" Miranda said politely when she looked up at him.

He looked so damn sexy when he was upset with his jaw clenched, one eyebrow arched up and his arms crossed over his chest. She shouldn't have imagined having sex with him the other night because now her vagina was talking at her loudly. Her clit was throbbing with anticipation of being touched but that wasn't going to happen. Miranda was pulled from her thoughts with Ben's deep, authoritative voice.

"Miranda Bailey don't Dr. Warren me. What the hell is going on with you?" I haven't heard from you since the day you came over. Did I say or do something wrong? Was it because I cuddled you? Why didn't you just tell me when whatever happened occurred?" Ben rambled.

Ben didn't even know that she had such intense feelings for him. So now she felt guilty for ghosting him without explaining what the issue was. But she was afraid to say because it was inappropriate for her to have these feelings. Yet he was her friend and she usually could tell him anything and he deserved the truth. Miranda took a deep breath as she stood up and pulled her scrub top over her booty.

Miranda walked up to him and stood directly in front of him. He still had his arms crossed so she pulled them down to hold his hands and felt a spark go through them.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you I just—I just couldn't handle the way I was starting to feel for you. It is inappropriate as a married woman and I should've put some boundaries in place. Being with you that day just intensified what I'd been feeling so I needed space. I was afraid to tell you because I thought you wouldn't feel the same."

Ben's face softened and the ache in his chest eased off. He held her hands tighter as she talked and he knew he couldn't have her thinking that she was alone in this.

"No I was wrong, I know that you're married and we agreed to be friends. So I shouldn't have pushed the boundaries of having you in my bed knowing I share those same feelings. But Miranda....from the first day I met you I felt serious feelings for you. So when you told me that you were married I was crushed inside. But I just wanted to have you in my life so I said we could be friends."

Miranda felt happy knowing that Ben felt the same but sad that she couldn't have him because she was married. Her smile turned into a sad expression when she realized that she couldn't pursue her feelings for him pure and open.

"Well Miranda what do we do from here? Because I want you in my life," Ben said softly.

"I don't know....I want you in my life too. But I don't know what to do with these feelings right now. That's why I needed time away from you to get these feelings at bay."

"Okay so are we just going to meet at certain times, text less..."

"Maybe we should stick with what I was doing. At least now we know how we feel and then in a month we can start our routine back up."

Ben gazed into her big brown eyes for a long time. He was searching for something in her  that would ever make him feel he didn't want her to be his but he didn't see it. Though they'd just been friends he didn't know if he could just pass her in the hallway or not spend his free time with her in the lab or there in her office.

Miranda felt so conflicted because she felt desperate for Ben to just take her and make her his but she never saw herself being a cheater. If she was honest she'd already crossed that boundary but she was afraid to go further. No matter how unfulfilled she felt at home it just wasn't right and Tucker deserved an explanation.

In a flash Ben leaned down and captured her lips into his.  Miranda gasped as he continuously pressed his lips to hers and she quickly kissed him back. Miranda whimpered and let out a soft moan as she  took his face in her hands and he gripped her waist to pull her closer. Ben placed his tongue at the entrance of her mouth with each kiss, asking for permission. When Miranda opened her mouth at their next kiss Ben groaned in satisfaction as their tongues collided wanting to never break apart. Ben was taking her breath away but she didn't want to stop kissing him. She moaned some more feeling her panties starting to succumb to her wetness and she wanted Ben to just take her right there in her office.

Their kisses went from passionate and fast to deep and sensual. Ben rubbed his big hands all up her short back and sides. Miranda licked his lips a few times and he pecked her lips some before their kisses slowed to a stop and he took her in his arms to hug her.

"I just couldn't go without kissing you because I've wanted to since the third day we had dinner in your lab," Ben confessed as he placed his forehead against hers.

Miranda closed her eyes and sighed taking this moment in since it wouldn't happen again. The feeling of him holding her tightly, the taste of his lips and the way he smelled good even after a long day. She felt safe and at home in his arms. How would she ever get this feeling again except from him as thought to herself.

Ben let go and stepped back just capturing a picture of her in his mind. Her eyes were misty with sadness and her plump, pink lips where more swollen from their passionate kissing. Ben kissed her lips softly once more, taking in the sound of her sweet whimper before leaving her office.

Miranda stood there in her aloneness and silence for a moment. It felt like a piece of her that had been missing all this time but was finally found had just as quickly been taken from her. She put her face in her hands and cried for a moment before going back to her work.