Rafe Cameron Imagines

Arguments and make ups

Rafe and I have been together for about a year, girlfriend and boyfriend for about 10 months. So call me crazy, I remember how long ago we were official, but then again who wouldn't remember that?

Recently, we've been arguing. It's awful. Huge, fucking, vicious cycle. We fight. We talk. We fuck. We make up. And repeat. Emphasis on awful, it's literally my worst fucking nightmare. I love him so much. That's why. I hate to make excuses, but Rafe's been so off lately. He'd always come to me when something happened with him. 'Him', being his dad, they argue, a lot. More than us. Which is a bit of a fucked up comparison, because me and Rafe have an intimate relationship, him and his dad have a familial one. But, one day he says, he feels, and I quote, 'fucking awful, about coming to you with all my shit.'. I told him that's what I'm here for, he protested. 

He just tries to be so strong, but that doesn't mean shit. It's worse when it comes out when you bottle it up for too long, like milk. 

After that day he just stopped. He stopped coming to me if something happened. I know it's not 100% my business and sure, maybe nothings happened since but I can just tell when something happens. He gets this look in his eyes, he's fidgety, he sorta acts strange. A lot more strange than when he talks about it.

And I know I should ask but I don't want to get him angry. It's a shitty thing to believe a rumour about your boyfriend but, when I heard some kid say Rafe does coke, I just believed it. He's the kind of person to do that. I hate myself for judging him like that but it's true..

I've seen his pupils dilated more often, especially at parties, pretty much a drug hotspot. And even when we hang out. I was mad about it because he chose drugs over talking to me. Maybe if he loved me as much as he loves getting high we wouldn't have all these issues, all the toxicity, the venom in our relationship.. I trashed my whole room. I was angry. I shouldn't have been so angry, because in reality I really know nothing.

He still acts loving towards me, but at times, when it's silent between us and I'm laying with him or in his arms I think, maybe he's about to tell me everything, everything going on with him, his 'habits'. Something, anything. Sometimes I blame myself for the way we are. The way I'm feeling based off a belief he's doing drugs? What a shitty girlfriend I am.

Right now even, we're arguing. I'm not even sure what over. One small thing happens and stupid insults are being thrown around. It's so dumb. We both get mad and one of us leaves. And I know this makes me more stupid but I feel like it's sweet that no matter how bad the argument is, every time in Rafes house, he calls me an Uber, for me to get home. Stupid, dumb, idiotic, I know. I just want to talk to him but I can't.

It's not that I can't, I just don't know how.. I have so much to say to him, to ask him. I just don't know where to start or how. I have so much I want him to tell me. So much he's been keeping in.

So now, I'm at a party walking through crowds looking for my friends, avoiding Rafe, literally in his domain, parties. He really knows how to work a crowd, when we first met, I was really attracted by that. And now I'm doing everything not to be near him. I need alcohol and a loosen on my sense of reality right now, nothing else.

I swivel through the crowd, smoke occupying the premises. Not one device that emits smoke into human lungs I haven't seen here, bongs, vapes, cigarettes, J's, weed, Nic pens, you name it.

A sickening smell of smoke and vomit swelling around the salty air. New objective, get fresh air and alcohol, then find your friends.

"Jude!" I hear the only voice I don't want to hear, boom through the crowd right at me like an arrow. My heart skips a beat and I keep walking. I could have misheard him, right?